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‘The Conference Valuation’ Quotes

The Big Bang Theory: The Conference Valuation

1217. The Conference Valuation

Aired March 7, 2019

When Penny and Bernadette go to San Diego for a pharmaceutical sales convention, Wolowitz is in charge of the kids. Also, Sheldon finds a book on experimenting on kids, and the guys plus Amy make a day of it.

Quote from Amy

Raj: Where are the kids?
Amy: Oh, Sheldon's helping Howard give them a bath.
Raj: Hmm. So you really think you can trick Sheldon into liking babies?
Amy: I slept with him. I married him. You want to bet against me?

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Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I love you.
Penny: I love you, too.
Leonard: And you're gonna do great. Just relax, stay out of your head, and try to enjoy it.
Penny: Aw. That reminds me of what I said to you the first time we slept together.
Leonard: I still use it. It's a mantra.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Where are the kids?
Howard: I thought they were with you.
Stuart: What? No!
Howard: I'm kidding. They're at daycare.
Stuart: What about me makes you think my heart can handle that joke?

Quote from Amy

Raj: I never thought I would see Sheldon enjoying himself around babies so much.
Amy: Yeah, how about that?
Raj: So he just happened to stumble upon a book about experimenting with them the same day we were hanging out with Howard's kids?
Amy: Yep, don't overthink it.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: It's so funny, we did all these experiments on them and they didn't even notice.
Amy: I know, I was worried it would be obvious, but it wasn't.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: You know, spending time with Michael and Halley today really made me think about our future children.
Amy: Huh, what an interesting and completely unforeseen development.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Remember, I'm leaving you with two babies. I expect to see two babies when I get back, and they better be the same two babies because I'll know.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: So, your convention is in San Diego, right?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Great. I need you to settle a bet for Amy and me.
Amy: I say, when it's not Comic-Con, no one will be dressed as superheroes.
Sheldon: Mm-hmm. And I say fewer people will be dressed as superheroes but still some.
Amy: A crazy person in a cape doesn't count.
Leonard: Mm, why not? It counts at Comic-Con.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Also, if you get a chance to sneak into Hall H, last year, I left my neck pillow under my seat. Uh, third row, second from the aisle.
Penny: I'll see what I can do.
Sheldon: Thank you. At least there will be one superhero in San Diego.

Quote from Raj

Raj: So, Leonard, what are you gonna do while Penny's away?
Leonard: I don't know. Maybe watch a movie with subtitles.
Sheldon: If you're looking for something outside the norm, I have invented a new chess variant where the bishops can also move like knights.
Raj: What do you call that, Bishops Be Crazy?
Sheldon: First of all, it would be "Bishops Are Crazy."
Raj: Not if you're being crazy.
Leonard: Checkmate.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Hey. You guys want to come hang out at my place this weekend?
Raj: So we can help you babysit?
Howard: Uh, it's not babysitting. They're my children.
Leonard: They're not our children.
Howard: Oh. Well, for you guys, then, it is babysitting.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: No offense, Howard, but I don't want to spend my weekend around your loud, sticky babies.
Howard: You can't insult my kids. I am offended.
Sheldon: No, you can't be. I said "no offense." That's like "no backsies" but for offense.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Oh, don't waste your time. His name is Danny. He works for one of the other drug companies.
Danny: Hey, nothing wrong with checking out the competition.
Bernadette: Aw, we don't see you as competition.
Danny: You should. Our anti-inflammatory is hitting the market this year, too.
Penny: Well, ours has zero drug interaction risk.
Danny: Yeah. So does an Altoid.
Bernadette: Speaking of Altoids, why don't you go get one?

Quote from Howard

Amy: You know, these experiments are pretty harmless. There's one where you just put the baby in front of a mirror and you watch them watch themselves.
Raj: That sounds adorable. Let me see.
Sheldon: How come when she talks about experiments on babies, you think it's adorable, but when I do it, everyone gets upset?
Leonard: I think I can speak for all of us. You're just creepy.
Howard: No offense.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Hey, I thought we weren't supposed to have our phones in the booth.
Bernadette: That's a "you" rule, not a "me" rule.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: Engage them for a minute and take note of their reactions.
Leonard: There's something familiar about all this.
Howard: Okay, go.
Sheldon: Hello, baby. Are you having a pleasant day?
Leonard: Oh, my G-- This is my entire childhood.
Sheldon: Leonard, Leonard, you're tainting my data.
Leonard: Uh, it's like word for word.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Oh, my God. At sleepaway camp my cabin was called "Control Group."

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, you were right, Amy. There were so many valuable experiments to perform on them during bath time.
Amy: You don't say.
Sheldon: I do. I tested their object permanence with a rubber duck, and we took a run at Archimedes water displacement, but that went right over their heads.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I guess we should go and let Howard get them ready for bed.
Sheldon: Yeah. Do you think he'd let us come back and do some more?
Amy: Maybe we could take them to the park.
Sheldon: Smart. There'll be more babies. It's a bigger sample size.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: What are you thinking?
Sheldon: Well, I just can't decide. Either five sets of triplets or three sets of quintuplets. You know what? It doesn't matter as long as they're healthy. And divisible by three.


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