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32Quotes from ‘The Communication Deterioration’

The Big Bang Theory: The Communication Deterioration

821. The Communication Deterioration

Aired April 16, 2015

After Raj is given the job of crafting a message for NASA in case their mission discovers alien life, the guys argue over their roles in helping Raj. Meanwhile, Penny must decide whether to audition for a movie or stay with her successful pharmaceuticals job.

Quote from Howard

Howard: First take a picture with me.
Bernadette: Why?
Howard: Well, Raj and I always talked about learning how to make cocktails like this together, so I taught myself and I'm putting this on Instagram so he can see it and feel like a turd. Say cheese!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: *singing in the tune of "Eye of the Tiger"* It's the eye of the tiger, it's the ear of the bat. It's the whiskers of a catfish and the walrus--
Howard: Hang on. Not that your song isn't terrible-- it is... but how do you mention bats and leave out sonar?
Sheldon: You didn't let me finish. *singing* And also regarding the bat. It has sonar.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Greetings from Planet Earth. Just turn left at Alpha Centauri. You can't miss it.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Okay, so, what it sounds like is, what we want is a device that can deliver a message through not only sight, but other senses, as well.
Leonard: The most basic sense that any space-faring civilization would have to possess is touch.
Raj: Ooh. Ooh, ooh! We could make a video-playing device that simultaneously translates the information into a tactile medium.
Leonard: All we have to do is rig up a 3-D communication system!
Raj: We-we can totally do that!
Leonard: I know!
Raj: This is great!
Leonard: Yeah, you know what else it is?
Raj: What?
Leonard: Exactly what Sheldon and Howard said.
Raj: Well, thank you for peeing in my slippers.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: So I have a dominant personality. We all know that.
Bernadette: I'm sorry. What do we know?
Howard: In social groupings, I just naturally wind up in charge.
Bernadette: Don't take this the wrong way, but how many of these little booze balls have you had?

Quote from Leonard

Raj: You guys know the new discovery class missions that NASA's been working on?
Howard: Yeah.
Raj: Well, they're looking to include a message from Earth in case one of them is encountered by alien life.
Leonard: When I encountered alien life, I discovered that the key thing was not to sit in its spot.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You can't breathe our air without an inhaler. He's allergic to Earth nuts, but I'm the alien.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Now, we can play this one of two ways. You can say, "Trains! Tell me more," or, you can just look at me like that and I'll start.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: What's going on in here?
Howard: I am making molecular cocktails. This sphere is actually a cosmopolitan.
Bernadette: Oh. How do you drink it?
Howard: Just put it in your mouth and pop it like a zit.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: You don't think I'm a leader?
Bernadette: I was kidding. Of course you are.
Howard: Right. I couldn't change if I wanted to.
Bernadette: You better not change, because I love who you are. Now, will you need help cleaning all this up when you're done or can you do it all by yourself?
Howard: All by myself.
Bernadette: There's my big boss man.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: You are a wise man.
Sheldon: Well, Penny, who's smarter, the wise man or the person who comes to him for advice?
Penny: Oh, I guess you're right. Maybe it is the person who asks.
Sheldon: No, it's the wise man.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: That would be more helpful if E.T. were real.
Raj: Well, my feelings were real when he was about to die.
Leonard: My God, when he's on the table and they use the paddles on him.
Raj: And he's all white.
Leonard: They zip him up in that bag.
Raj: And Gertie can't stop crying.
Leonard: The flower dies.
Raj: Okay, let's talk about something else.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: So it sounds like we need a way to communicate that's simple.
Raj: And doesn't require outside machinery to be built to access it.
Leonard: It's also a problem because we don't even know if the aliens who find this can see. I mean, they might communicate in a totally different way than us.
Raj: Like when my dog is mad at me, she tells me by peeing in my slippers.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: That's actually a valid example. Animals do deliver messages through scent.
Raj: Bees talk to each other by dancing. Whales have their songs.
Leonard: Penny has about 20 different ways of rolling her eyes that each mean something different.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Okay, since we agree on the delivery system for the message, maybe we should talk about what the message could be.
Raj: Well, I think we should show what earthlings look like.
Howard: The plaque they sent up on the Pioneer probe had a drawing of a naked man and woman on it.
Sheldon: Yeah, I never cared for that. It's advertising to predator races just how soft and squishy *squeezes Leonard* we are.
Leonard: Squeeze yourself!
Sheldon: Oh, don't be offended. You know, of the four of us, you have the most veal-like consistency.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Perhaps Howard meant passive-aggressive like asking our group to help on your project, and then only choosing Leonard.
Raj: Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, but you do have strong personalities and always end up taking over.
Howard: It's not always.
Leonard: What about when we went to Comic-Con and dressed like Jabba the Hutt? You got to be Jabba's head, and I got to be his fat slug butt.
Sheldon: We looked great.
Leonard: You let a guy sit on me.
Howard: He was dressed as Princess Leia. It made a nice picture.

Quote from Penny

Penny: I mean, the whole experience reminded me about how much I hated about that world. You-you know, the anxiety, the depression, the negativity. I don't want to feel those things. I want to sell drugs to people who feel those things.

Quote from Penny

Amy: I can't believe you got up and walked out of an audition for a big movie.
Penny: I did. I mean, I walked in, read for the part, then stunk up the place, but then I walked right out.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Just out of curiosity, why didn't you ask Leonard for advice about this?
Penny: Urgh, because I already know what he'll say. Wah, wah, wah. You shouldn't do it.
Sheldon: Ah, it's just like he's here.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Just this morning, Sheldon wouldn't let me put almond milk on my Grape-Nuts because he said it was a theoretical nut conflict.
Raj: You should've told him to mind his own business.
Leonard: Yeah. That's better than what I did say, which was, "Fine, I'll eat them with club soda."

Quote from Raj

Leonard: How do you want to start?
Raj: I don't know. How do you want to start?
Leonard: I don't know. Should we call Sheldon and Howard?
Raj: No, we can do this by ourselves.
Leonard: Great. How do you want to start?
Raj: I don't know. How do you want to start?

Quote from Raj

Raj: Well, maybe there's a way to appear nonaggressive, but also be able to protect ourselves if necessary. Like smiling and waving with one hand, but the other hand holding the severed head of a tiger.
Howard: You want to send a passive-aggressive message out into the universe? That's ridiculous.
Raj: Oh, you mean passive-aggressive like posting pictures of you and your wife eating cosmopolitan balls that you know belong in my mouth?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Do either of you know Beyonce? I'd love her to get behind it.

Quote from Leonard

Raj: Exactly what I expected. Two people forcing their ideas on me and only one gentleman who could be bothered to ask me what my thoughts were. You two are out. Congratulations, Leonard, you're on the team.
Leonard: My mommy raised a gentleman.

Quote from Raj

Raj: What makes them think they're always in charge of everything?
Leonard: They're alpha males.
Raj: What does that make us?
Leonard: We could be betas. They're second in charge.
Raj: Okay, that sounds good.
Leonard: Or we could be omegas. They get pushed around by the alphas and the betas.
Raj: Okay, that sounds like us.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: *using Sheldon's knock* Sheldon? Sheldon? Sheldon? *Sheldon answers with a suspicious and smiling look on his face*
Sheldon: I bet that started off as a joke, but by the third one, you realized there was something strangely enjoyable about it.
Penny: Yeah, I kind of wanna do it again.
Sheldon: I don't recommend it. You'll be doing it the rest of your life.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: I like pharmaceutical sales. It's going great, but I have an audition for a movie, and if I get it, it could screw everything up.
Sheldon: Hmm. I know exactly what you should do. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Perhaps you'd prefer this one. The itzy-bitzy spider is not an insect at all. Because it has eight legs and two body parts.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: How about we split the difference and discuss why Austria was an arch-duchy and not just a regular duchy?

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Look. I know you guys are upset, but we've talked about it and we think it would be beneficial for you to be part of the project.
Howard: Well. Well. Well. Did you hear that Sheldon?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. I was trying to think of what rhymes with Nose of the Aardvark.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: So, I'd like to try a technique. When no one gets streamrolled. When you talk, instead of bringing up a new idea, respect what was just said by building on it.
Sheldon: Building on that, we should order dinner.
Leonard: How is that building on what he just said?
Howard: Building on what Sheldon said, I could go for Chinese.
Raj: Hang on. Building on what Leonard said, no one built on what I said.
Sheldon: Building on building on that, there's a new build your own pizza place on Colorado.
Leonard: Building on that, I'd like to remind you I'm lactose-intolerant.
Howard: I saw the menu. They have Soya cheese.
Sheldon: Ha! You didn't say building on. You're out.
Leonard: It's not Simon Says.
Raj: You're missing the point, Sheldon.
Sheldon: You're out and you're out. I win. Who wants pizza?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Clearly, good things happen when I'm in charge. Now, why don't you boys step aside, let me knock this project out.
Leonard: Sheldon, you're not in charge. Raj is in charge.
Sheldon: Leonard, who's really in charge? The person in charge or those who put him in charge.
Raj: He's right. If you think about it, we're all in charge.
Sheldon: No, the guy in charge is in ch-. Why is everyone so bad at these?


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