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‘The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis’ Quotes

The Big Bang Theory: The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis

211. The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis

Aired December 15, 2008

It's a stressful Christmas for Leonard when his handsome colleague starts dating Penny. Meanwhile, Sheldon's obsessive gift-giving etiquette irritates the whole gang.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy.
Penny: Okay, all I'm giving you is the napkin, Sheldon.

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Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, Penny. I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift, you've given me an obligation.
Howard: Don't feel bad, Penny, it's a classic rookie mistake. My first Hanukkah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights.
Penny: Now, honey, it's okay. You don't have to get me anything in return.
Sheldon: Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. It's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.
Penny: Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'm not giving you a present.
Sheldon: No, it's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says to Sheldon. The die has been cast, the moving finger has writ, Hannibal has crossed the Alps.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: If I would give you this gift basket, based on that action alone and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exist between us.
Store clerk: Excuse me?
Sheldon: Here. Now, are we friends? Colleagues? Lovers? Are you my grandmother?
Store clerk: I don't understand what you're talking about and you're making me a little uncomfortable.
Howard: See? Sounds just like you and Penny. We'll take it.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Leonard, look. Sheldon's hugging me!
Leonard: It's a Saturnalia miracle.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: By the way, my leg is killing me. Thanks for asking.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: David is not smarter than you, because a smart man would take the naked pictures of his wife off his phone before trying to take naked pictures of his girlfriend!
Leonard: He tried to take nude photos of you?
Penny: That's what you took from that?! The guy is married!
Leonard: Oh, that's terrible.
Penny: And you, if you're so fine with how the way things are between us then why are you so jealous?
Leonard: The important thing is he's married and that's terrible.
Penny: Nice save, genius.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: What are you looking at? You've never seen a hypocrite before?

Quote from Howard

Howard: Gather around, kids. It's time for Sheldon's beloved Christmas special.
Sheldon: In the pre-Christian era, as the winter solstice approached and the plants died, pagans brought evergreen boughs into their homes as an act of sympathetic magic, intended to guard the life essences of the plants until spring. This custom was later appropriated by Northern Europeans and eventually it becomes the so-called Christmas tree.
Howard: And that, Charlie Brown, is what boredom is all about.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Don't feel bad, Penny. It's a classic rookie mistake. My first Chanukah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights.

Quote from Howard

Howard: That doesn't count. Do over! Do over!
Sheldon: There are no do-overs in Wii bowling.
Howard: There are always do-overs when my people play sports.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Dave is not smarter than you. He's an idiot.
Leonard: Really? Why would you say that?
Penny: Because a smart guy takes the nude photos of his wife off his cell phone before he tries to take nude photos of his girlfriend.
Leonard: He tried to take nude photos of you?
Penny: That's what you took from that? The guy is married.

Quote from Howard

Howard:Hey, isn't that the guy who won the MacArthur genius grant last year? (everyone looks) No, not all at once.
Raj: Then how?
Howard: Leonard. Now Raj. Now Sheldon.
Raj: I didn't get a good look. Can I go again?
Howard: No.

Quote from Howard

Wolowitz: He doesn't do anything for me. If I were going to go that way, I'm more of a Zac Efron kind of guy.
Raj: Oh yeah, like you have a shot with Zac Efron.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Okay, I have just one question for you. While I am perfectly happy with the way things are between us, you said that you didn't wanna go out with me because I was too smart for you. Well, news flash, lady: David Underhill is 10 times smarter than me. You'd have to drive a railroad spike into his head for me to beat him at checkers. Next to him, I'm one of those sign-language gorillas who knows how to ask for grapes. So my question is what's up with that?
Penny: (tearfully) Why are you yelling at me?
Leonard: Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Never mind, we're cool.


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