Howard: What's with the T-shirt? You working at the Apple store now?
Leonard: No, it's just something I threw on.
Howard: I know all your shirts. That's not one of them. You were pretending to work at the Genius Bar to pick up women, weren't you?
Leonard: Yeah. Turns out, they guard the iPods, but they don't guard the shirts.
Howard: So, how'd it go?
Leonard: It was going well. I was showing this super hot girl how to boot up in Safe Mode. The manager got suspicious, and, well, long story short, they really do have a little jail in the mall.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Sheldon: This song is never going to stop. Have you ever dealt with something so relentlessly irritating?
Leonard: That's a trick question, right?

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Amy's Mom: It's nice to meet you too Sheldon, I honestly didn't believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend.
Sheldon: I assure you, I am quite real and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
Amy's Mom: What?
Sheldon: Oh yes, We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt!
Amy's Mom: Amy? What is he saying?
Amy: You wanted me to have a boyfriend, mother, well here he is! Have to sign off now. My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins.
Sheldon: Oh yes. It's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina.

Sheldon: We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles. We live at 311 Los Robles. [holds up number 2 fixture]
Leonard: You changed the address on the building? What about mail?
Sheldon: No worries. I explained our predicament to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic. His exact words were, "Got your back, Jack. Bitches be crazy."