Sheldon: Would you be interested in knowing that Mr. Wolowitz once snuck onto my World of Warcraft account and changed the name of a certain level-80 warlock from Sheldor to Smeldor?
Agent Page: I'm afraid not. Is there anything else?
Sheldon: Is there anything else? Where would you like to start? He refuses to pay fines when he's overdue with books I lend him. He crashed the Mars Rover while attempting to impress a woman. He recommended that I go see the third Matrix movie because it was, and I quote, just as good as the first one. If that's not irresponsible, I don't know what is.
Agent Page: The Mars Rover?
Sheldon: Did I say Mars Rover?
Agent Page: You did.
Sheldon: That was actually a poorly chosen example, as it had nothing to do with me.

Raj: I don't like bugs, okay. They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You're afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Sheldon: Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I'm stupid.
Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Wolowitz: But you love that spot.
Sheldon: No, I love my mother. My feelings for my spot are much greater.

Penny: OK Sheldon, what can I get ya?
Sheldon: Alcohol.
Penny: Could you be a little more specific?
Sheldon: Ethyl alcohol, 40 millilitres.

Penny: Sheldon, you can't re-program people.
Sheldon: No, you can't re-program people.