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‘Pilot’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Big Bang Theory: Pilot

101. Pilot

Aired September 24, 2007

Leonard and Sheldon meet their new neighbor Penny. Leonard is instantly smitten with her, but Sheldon feels he's chasing an impossible dream.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.

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Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Um, Penny, that's where I sit.
Penny: So, sit next to me.
Sheldon: No, I sit there.
Penny: What's the difference?
Sheldon: "What's the difference"?
Leonard: Here we go.
Sheldon: In the winter that seat is close enough to the radiator to remain warm, and yet not so close as to cause perspiration. In the summer it's directly in the path of a cross breeze created by open windows, there and there. It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct, thus discouraging conversation, nor so far wide to create a parallax distortion. I could go on, but I think I've made my point.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
Leonard: Not really!
Sheldon: If the height of a step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip.
Leonard: I don't care. 2 millime--? That doesn't seem right.
Sheldon: It's true. I did a series of experiments when I was 12. My father broke his clavicle.
Leonard: Is that why they sent you to boarding school?
Sheldon: No. That was the result of my work with lasers.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Wait till you see this.
Raj: It's fantastic. Unbelievable!
Leonard: See what?
Howard: (Putting in DVD) It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974.
Leonard: This isn't a good time.
Howard: (Imitating Stephen Hawking) It's before he became a creepy computer voice.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Would it be weird if I used your shower?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: (to Sheldon) No!
Sheldon: No?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: (to Penny) No.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Come on! We have a combined IQ of 360 we should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.
*Two girls selling cookies ring every bell, the door opens*
Sheldon: What do you think their combined IQ is ?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me? I'm a male and she's a female.
Sheldon: Yes, but not of the same species.

Quote from Penny

Penny: I'm a vegetarian, except for fish, and the occasional steak. I LOVE steak!
Sheldon: Well, that's interesting. Leonard can't process corn.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: It has been some time since we had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment.
Leonard: That's not true, remember at Thanksgiving, my Grandmother with Alzheimer's had that episode?
Sheldon: Point taken, it has been some time since we had a woman take her clothes off after which we didn't wanna rip our eyes out.
Leonard: The worst part was watching her carve that turkey.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole but as far as the population of this car goes you're a veritable mack daddy.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Leonard, I don't think I can do this.
Leonard: What are you, kidding? You're a semi-pro.
Sheldon: No, we are committing genetic fraud. There's no guarantee that our sperm's going to generate high-IQ offspring. Think about that. I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: (Upset, about Kurt) 4 years, I lived with him. 4 years! That's like as long as high school.
Sheldon: It took you 4 years to get through high school?

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
Sheldon: Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
Penny: (puzzled) Participate in the what?

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