Eric: Are those new birth control pills? [imitates fan fare] Let the doing it... commence.
Donna: Do you have to do that every time?
Eric: Donna, if I had the money, I'd take out an ad in the paper.

Eric: Oh, hey, Donna. Any news? Come on, that time of the month.
Donna: No, nothing yet. Oh, God, I'm gonna throw up.
Older Man: [to his wife] I told you we should have gone to Denny's.
Eric: Oh, yeah, Donna, let's not talk about throwing up in front of the customers. Ma'am, here's your creamed corn.
Roy: I got no interest in getting a lady pregnant. That's why I'm celibate.
Eric: I thought it was because no one would do it with you.
Roy: Well, that's like a secondary reason.

Eric: Look, Donna, we're gonna figure this out, okay? Hey, you know what? We can ask my mom. She's a nurse. She loves this stuff.
Donna: Mmm-mmm.
Eric: Well, at least once a week she gives a talk about her uterus.
Donna: Eric, I don't want your mom to know.
Roy: Donna's right. There's no reason to let too many people know just yet.
Eric: Who have you told so far? Well, just my friends and this nice couple.

Kelso: Hey, Fez. [Fez turns away] Look, I don't think he wants to make up.
Suzy Simpson: Well, try anyway. I got your back, your strong, muscular back.
Kelso: Fez, look, I got you some candy and a Playboy and a six-pack. So... You can use them in whatever order you want.
Suzy Simpson: Tell him what they're for. In a tense standoff, you need to make the perp think you're on his side, even if you're about to put a bullet in his head. Don't worry, we're not.
Kelso: They're a peace offering.
Fez: Well... Look at the American trying to buy his way out of trouble.
Suzy Simpson: Oh, Fez, give Michael a chance.
Kelso: You know what? No, Simpson, forget it. Fez, you're the one that blew it with Suzy, okay? I didn't know you were gonna shoot a defenseless rabbit.
Fez: Well, if you didn't know that, then you never knew me at all.
Kelso: Whatever. You know what? I don't care if you're mad at me, 'cause now I'm mad at you!
Fez: Fine! Well, you can keep your stupid gifts, because now I don't want them! [grabs beer then grabs magazine] If you must know, it will be this, then this.

Fez: Hey, guys. Ooh, what stinks out here? It must be this big, girl-stealing turd.
Kelso: All right, that's it. Let's go.
Fez: Oh, I will slap you silly.
Jackie: Oh! Stop.
Hyde: Hey, look, Jackie's right, all right? If you guys are gonna fight, let's go inside where there's more stuff to hit your head on.
Eric: Come on, you guys, lots of couples fight, but there's an easy way to fix this. Just decide which one of you is the woman, and the other one just apologize.
Fez: No, I don't wanna make up with Kelso. I wanna make fun of Kelso. Hey, guys, what's up with Kelso? Stupid.
Kelso: Hey, guys, what's up with Fez? Foreign.
Eric: Okay, you guys, this is getting pretty lame. Let's split into two groups.
Fez: Good idea. Boys and girls. Let's go, Jackie.

Fez: Yeah, we're better off without her.
Kelso: Yeah. Wait. We?
Fez: Ah. I guess I've missed you.
Kelso: Really? Man, 'cause I've missed you, too. And... Well, I wasn't trying to steal her. I wanted her to be with you.
Fez: That's okay, I'd rather have my friend back anyway.
Kelso: [points to Tater Tots] Do you wanna...
Fez: I do if you do.
Kelso: I do.

Donna: We are so lucky. I mean, it's obvious we're not ready to be parents. What would we do?
Eric: Hey, anything you want. And by the way, when I said you could sell Tupperware, that was just, like, code for, "You could be President of the United States."
Donna: I don't believe you, but I'm too relieved to be mad. I'll probably bring it up when we're having a fight about something else.
Eric: Listen, Donna, all I know is we can never make this mistake again.
Donna: Yeah, don't worry, I think we learned our lesson.