‘Won't Get Fooled Again’
Season 6, Episode 13 - Aired February 25, 2004
Eric and Donna have a pregnancy scare. Meanwhile, Fez refuses speak to Kelso after the failed date with his police cadet friend Suzy Simpson (Alyson Hannigan).
Quote from Kitty
Red: So, you knocked up the neighbor girl?
Donna: Oh, my God.
Bob: You should have been thinking a little more about God before you got into this mess. He would've stopped you at first base.
Eric: Mom, you promised you wouldn't say anything.
Kitty: And I didn't, I wrote it down.
Quote from Eric
Kitty: So, you're pregnant. Okay, well, um... Okay, we'll move the wedding to next month, and then nine months later, we'll tell people the baby came early because you smoked.
Donna: No, I don't wanna move the wedding up. Don't we get a say in this? Red, say something.
Eric: Oh, Donna, he's not gonna help us. Right now he's trying to figure out how to get both of his feet in both of our asses without leaving his chair.
Red: Stop being weird. We'll just have to make the best of this. Besides, with Donna for a mother, there's a decent chance the kid will be good at sports.
Quote from Eric
Donna: Eric, a little help.
Eric: Okay, you guys... Okay, whether we're pregnant or not, we can run our own lives, okay?
Donna: Yeah.
Eric: And you know what? It would have been great if Donna could have had a career, but things change. So, you know... Fine, so, you'll stay home with the baby.
Donna: Whoa. What? So, I don't get a career?
Eric: Well, you know, you could sell Tupperware or something.
Donna: Okay, you can just get bent. [exits]
Eric: What... Oh, come on, what did I say? That wasn't so bad, was it?
Kitty: No, I would love a Tupperware lady in the family.
Quote from Fez
Suzy Simpson: Fez, since you're mad at Michael, shouldn't you be cutting his head out of those pictures instead of your head?
Fez: Well, I can't do that. Have you seen how well he photographs?
Jackie: Fez, I can't believe you're gonna let it end this way. I always thought you and Michael would make it.
Fez: Well, we look good in public, but you weren't there for the bad times. Like, he never noticed when I got a new outfit.
Jackie: Look, Fez, just do what I did to get over Michael.
Fez: Make out with Hyde?
Jackie: No, just stop thinking about him.
Fez: I can't. Even The Hub reminds me of him. I remember this one day, it was the only day The Hub ever had Tater Tots. And there was this really big Tater Tot, and I'll never forget what Kelso said. He said, "That's not a Tater Tot, that's a Tater Giant." Oh, how we laughed.
Jackie: Oh, Fez, Michael took me for granted, too, but I found someone better, and so will you.
Suzy Simpson: Yeah, don't end it all now. You have so much to live for. That's what we say when we're trying to talk down a jumper. I guess it doesn't really apply here.
Quote from Hyde
Kelso: You know, I'm glad Fez is out of my life. Always with the mood swings. I'd ask what's wrong, and all I'd hear was, "Nothing." And then, the minute I wanna watch the game, suddenly it's time to talk about our feelings.
Roy: [scoffs] Women.
Hyde: Actually, we're talking about a man.
Roy: Oh, you guys are progressive.
Kelso: But the thing is, I know I didn't do anything wrong, but where am I gonna find another friend like Fez?
Hyde: Look, man, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, okay? It's like when you and Jackie broke up. It was for the best. And after a while, she found someone better. Me. And since then, I've enjoyed throwing that in your face as often as possible. What was your question again?
Quote from Eric
Eric: Oh, my God, great news! Donna's not pregnant. She's not talking to me, and she kind of hung up on me, but that click and dead silence was the most beautiful sound I ever heard.
Kitty: Well, what a relief. But you and I are still having a good long talk about the uterus.
Eric: Man, dodged a bullet there, huh? [chuckles] Almost had a little... A little dumbass running around here, huh? I'm gonna go throw up now.
Quote from Fez
Kelso: Simpson, I'm here. Where is the cat on the trampoline?
Suzy Simpson: Sorry, Michael, there is no cat.
Kelso: Is there at least a trampoline?
Suzy Simpson: Please, have a seat.
Kelso: Tater Tots. You know, the last time The Hub had Tater Tots was when...
Fez: [enters] Suzy, I got your message. Where's that bouncing kitty? What's he doing here?
Suzy Simpson: Okay, I've called you here because it's time you two talked things over. And I've used Tater Tots to recreate one of your happiest times together. Oh, look, there's a really big one. That's not a Tater Tot, that's a Tater Giant.
Fez: I look at your jumbo Tot and I feel nothing.
Kelso: I, too, resist your Tot.
Quote from Kelso
Suzy Simpson: Oh, come on. Michael, Fez is a great guy, he's... He's loyal and sweet and innocent. And Fez, Michael's great, too. He's pure and strong and more man than I've ever seen in one pair of pants.
Fez: Hey, he's not so pure. He's expecting a baby with another woman.
Suzy Simpson: What?
Kelso: Well, he's not so innocent. He's married.
Suzy Simpson: What? Oh, my God, you're both disgusting! I don't want either one of you. And you really missed out, because I spent a semester in France, and I do stuff American girls think is gross. [exits]
Fez: Whoa, what was that about?
Kelso: Yeah, she's flipping out 'cause someone she likes is married or having an illegitimate child. What's she gonna do when there's real trouble?
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: So, Fez thought he was on a date with Suzy, and he sh*t a rabbit to impress her.
Hyde: Doesn't he know he could've just bought her flowers?
Jackie: Oh! I would die if you got me flowers.
Hyde: You'd be lucky to get a dead rabbit.
Jackie: Suzy, why would Fez think you'd like a dead rabbit? [gasps] Are you from the South or something?
Suzy Simpson: No, I think he did it because he knows that as a cop, I like to spill blood. But I wanna hurt people, not animals.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: You know what? This is my fault. I never should have told Fez that you liked him when you liked me.
Suzy Simpson: If only there was something I could do to make him feel better.
Kelso: I have an idea.
Hyde: Oh, good. Kelso's gonna make it worse now.
Kelso: No, just let Fez take you to dinner, and then for dessert, do it with him.
Suzy Simpson: No way.
Kelso: Okay, look. If you do me this favor, I'll buy you a new gun.
Jackie: That would make her a hooker.
Kelso: No, hookers do it for money, this would be for a gun.
Suzy Simpson: Hey, I have standards. I mean, if it's sleeping with a suspect to extract some information, fine. Or posing as a prostitute for a quickie in the back of a car to snare some John, sure. But, jeez, Michael, what kind of girl do you think I am?