Eric: Hey, Fez, let me ask you a question. If you were choosing godparents, wouldn't you choose Donna and me?
Fez: Well, in my country we don't have godparents. If something happens to your parents, tough crap. You're a bum. You Americans and your safety nets.

Kitty: Oh, look, there's Michael.
Red: Even when he's not here, I have to see his ass.
Kitty: I've seen it almost as many times as I've seen his face.
Angie: Oh, look. Someone's coming in.
All: Fez?
Fez: [enters] Hey, Red, am I late for Perry Mason? Ooh! Who's that handsome... Uh-oh.
Kitty: Fez, what are you doing there?
Fez: It was a secret. I... I thought I was alone.
Hyde: Okay, I know Fez pretty well and if he thought he was alone, we need to stop this tape right now.

Kitty: Steven, how could you not know your friend was a hobo?
Hyde: Well, now that I think about it, some things do make more sense.
[flashback to Hyde in the basement as Fez reads a magazine:]
Hyde: Hey, man, where the hell are my keys?
Fez: Oh, here they are. I just borrowed them, but I didn't make a copy.
Hyde: Why would you make a copy?
Fez: Why would I borrow them?
Hyde: To make a copy?
Fez: Why would I make a copy?
Hyde: Okay.
[flashback to Fez walking down the Formans' stairs in a towel:]
Hyde: Did you just take a shower here?
Fez: No.
Hyde: Why are you wearing a towel?
Fez: Because otherwise I'd be naked.
[flashback to Hyde finding a pair of underpants at the record store as Fez walks in:]
Fez: Oh, there they are.
[present:]
Hyde: Hey, I was just happy he's wearing underwear again, all right?

Kelso: Hello. Man, why does everybody look so serious? Did the Goodyear Blimp crash?
Red: Why?
Kelso: No reason. Some people shoot bottle rockets at it.

Kitty: Fez has been living in the record store because his host parents threw him out. What kind of parents would kick a child out?
Red: And will they teach me how they did it?
Kitty: You wanna be mean? You don't get a sandwich. [gives Red's sandwich to Fez] I think what they did to you is just awful.
Angie: He broke into my store.
Hyde: Which you accused me of doing.
Kitty: Accusing your own brother? You don't get a sandwich, either. [gives Angie's sandwich to Fez]
Kitty: Anyway, Fez, maybe you can stay in Laurie's room.
Red: No. I would rather fill that room with cement.
Kelso: [takes a sandwich] Yeah, respect the man's wishes. Besides, that room is for me and Betsy. [off Red's look] I don't get a sandwich.

Hyde: Kelso, why did you pick us?
Kelso: Oh, great, now I feel awkward. Look, I picked them because I think they're gonna last longer than you.
Eric: What?
Donna: They just broke up and got back together.
Kelso: Well, at least they're doing something. What are you guys doing? You don't know, nobody knows. They're just a safer bet right now.
Jackie: Oh, my God. This is better than when he made us godparents. We win everything.
Hyde: Wow. Well, I don't really have a speech prepared but I just wanna thank you guys for sucking.
Kelso: Look, you guys, if I knock somebody else up you're totally on the list.

Eric: I can't believe he doesn't think we're gonna last. It's... I mean, you don't think he's right, do you?
Donna: Well, I don't know. We have, kind of, been drifting this last year.
Eric: No. No, not drifting, you know, exploring.
Donna: Exploring is drifting, Eric.
Eric: Oh, you know what? This is all your fault. You're always saying that something is something else. God, it's like you're a big, blonde thesaurus.
Donna: Well, excuse me for knowing words, Eric.
Eric: Okay, you know what? This fight keeps going nowhere and you wanna know why? We are actually freaking out over something that Kelso said. Kelso, the guy who doesn't understand how hot dogs survive in the wild without eyes.
Donna: Okay, so you're not... You're not worried then?
Eric: No. I don't know, maybe a little bit, but I'll tell you what. I'm gonna find a job.
Donna: Great. And I am gonna dye my hair back.
Eric: No. Oh, no, no, the blonde stays. I'm still using it.

Hyde: All right, man, you accused me of stealing. That's why I've thought up a very clever way of getting you back. Today you wear the rainbow Afro.
Angie: Actually, you know what? I don't think so. Watch this.
[Angie plays a security camera video which shows Hyde dancing and singing along with a song as he sweeps the floor:]
Hyde: [sings along] Luck be a lady tonight Luck be a lady tonight Luck if you've ever been a lady to begin with...
[tape ends]
Hyde: I don't care about that. Everybody knows I sing Sinatra all the time. [points behind Angie] Whoa, shoplifter. [grabs tape] Amateur.

Fez: Here's two bedrooms with one-and-a-half baths.
Kelso: A half bath? How's the water stay in?
Fez: Here's one with a dishwasher.
Kelso: I don't want another foreigner living with us. We don't need a dishwasher anyway.
Fez: Who's gonna do the dishes?
Kelso: We'll just order in.
Fez: You never wanna take me anywhere.

Fez: Okay, here are your secret words and good luck.
Donna: Okay, Eric, staircase.
Eric: Jedi.
Fez: I'm sorry, that's wrong. Hyde?
Hyde: Um... Fat.
Jackie: Staircase. Fat. [gasps] Escalator.
Hyde: Yes.
Fez: That is correct.
Eric: What? What the hell?
Fez: Jackie, see me later for your prize.