[split-screen of Kitty talking to Samantha, Red talking to Hyde:]
Kitty: Samantha, Red and I both felt we needed to talk to you.
Red: Steven, Kitty is making me talk to you.
Kitty: We're worried that you two aren't communicating the way a couple should.
Red: We're sick of you screaming at each other like a couple of dumbasses.

Kitty: Oh, Red and I share everything too, except bars of soap. It's unsanitary.

[split-screen of Kitty talking to Samantha, Red talking to Hyde:]
Red: Well, I gotta tell Kitty something. You two going to stop fighting?
Hyde: You see the thing is...
Samantha: Fighting gets Hyde and me all worked up and...
Hyde: After we fight, we... Well, you know.
Samantha: We get naked and have hot, crazy sex.
Red: Good God, I didn't need to hear about that!
Kelso: Holy Toledo, tell me more about that!
Red: So you're saying...
Kelso: You put up with the fighting to spice up your S-E-X?
Hyde & Samantha: Exactly.
Kitty: You two are naughty.
Red: You two are idiots.

Jackie: Fenton, I'm so glad I caught you. Look, this whole mess is my fault and not Fez's. I'm the one who ran the bath. I flooded the place. I ruined your creepy night of classical music and Indian food.
Fenton: Well, you also ruined this. My beautiful pig-suede jacket.
Jackie: [gasps] From China? Mmm. Oh, it's beautiful.
Fenton: And versatile. You can wear it as a jacket or a sport coat or you can wrap it around your waist when you're having a big-butt day.
Jackie: Fenton, please let me make this up to you. I know a great place we can get an even better jacket. It may not be suede and it may not be from China, but I am neither of those things and I'm a better person for it.
Fenton: Well, it better be good stuff. Cheap leather makes me rashy in all the wrong places.
Jackie: What are the right places?
Fenton: I've said too much.

Fenton: Jackie... Oh. Jackie, I had such a great time with you. I got a new jacket, a manicure, crepes. I didn't know a woman could be so into that stuff.
Jackie: I know. Fenton, I had such a great time with you too.

Fez: Yeah, she's leaving. She destroyed my apartment. She's costing me a fortune.
Fenton: Jackie, I... I can't let you go. I mean, you have the other half of my "best friends forever" heart charm.
Jackie: Well, Fenton, I'd love to stay. But as all good friendships require, you're going to have to do something for me. Forgive Fez and not charge him for any of the damages.
Fenton: Well, Jackie, you're putting me in quite a bind. And not in a good way. [chuckles] Unfortunately, I don't respond to threats, so...
Jackie: Okay. See you.
Fenton: Don't go! Fine. He's off the hook.

Donna: Apparently in my delirium last night, I said a few things on the air that I shouldn't have said. So I need to apologize to the following groups of people. The Irish. People who make their living from boats. Any religion that values the Old Testament. Glass blowers. Cross-country skiers. It's not just walking. Um... Quakers. I don't know what you are, but I love your oatmeal.

Santa: Hello, Donna.
Donna: Santa Claus? Am I having a dream?
Santa: No, Donna. This is really happening.
Donna: What are you doing here?
Santa: Well, I've come to fill your jug with change, so that you can help build that library for all the good little boys and girls.
Donna: Wow. Thanks, Santa. And to think everyone said you weren't real.
Santa: Who? I'll kill those little bastards! I... I mean... Who?
[Donna wakes up:]
Donna: Don't kill them, Santa! Please don't kill them!

Donna: Randy, don't worry about it. I mean, at least you tried.
Randy: Yeah, well, I'd like to do what I can to help. Because I care about the Children's Library.
Donna: [into microphone] You hear that, Point Place? Randy Pearson loves little boys.