Fez: [to the nurse] Excuse me, yes. My friend and I would like our sponge baths now, please.

Jackie: Hyde is such a jerk. This is all his fault.
Kelso: Whoa. What are you talking about?
Jackie: Who said the pot leaf wasn't good enough?
Kelso: Hyde did.
Jackie: And who said you should lean out further?
Kelso: Hyde did.
Jackie: So, who made you fall off the water tower?
Kelso: No, no, no. Wait, Jackie, that's crazy. Hyde's like my best friend.
Jackie: No, no, no. Brian Piccolo and Gayle Sayers were best friends.
Kelso: Brian's Song. I love that movie.
Jackie: See, Michael, Gayle held Brian's hand and cried and gave him sips of cool water in his hospital bed.
Kelso: Yeah.
Jackie: So where are you now?
Kelso: In a hospital bed.
Jackie: And where's Hyde?
Kelso: Well, he isn't giving me sips of cool water, that's for sure!

[dinner table - filmed in a circle:]
Red: Well, we got vandals in this town. I was driving home and I saw the water tower giving me the finger.
Laurie: Vandals you say? Hmm. Where were you last night, Eric?
Kitty: Oh, can it, Laurie. Eric, you look pale. Let me see your eyes. Look at me.
[fantasy: when Eric reluctantly, looks up at Kitty she is naked and eating a sausage:]
Kitty: Do you have a fever?
[Red is now also naked]
Red: I know what you need. Right after breakfast, I want you to mow the lawn. The fresh air will do you good.
Kitty: Eric, is something bothering you?
Eric: God, make it stop! [runs out]

Laurie: Eric?
Eric: Get off of my mom. What?
Laurie: What is it with you? You've been extra losery lately.
Eric: I saw Mom and Dad having sex.
Laurie: Oh. Oh. You poor thing. [hugs Eric] It's all right. It's okay. Baby's fine.
Eric: Oh, Laurie, it was horrible. And I can't get the image out of my mind. I mean, it was Mom and Dad, but they were... They were like a pair of wildebeests on a National Geographic Special.
[fantasy:]
Announcer: [v.o.] Deep in the unexplored psyche of a confused young man is a wilderness called wild Wisconsin. After several days of tracking, we've finally located the den of the wily Red. Here we see Suburbus Sexmaniacus tracking his prey through the living room. Observe as the male indicates his interest in mating by making loud, aggressive noises. [Red turns on the blender] The female's attractive double knit pantsuit and scarlet lips signal her readiness. This display is not lost on the male. Oh, here he goes. Let's watch. [Red and Kitty kiss]

Eric: Donna, I'm really not in the mood.
Donna: Come on. I'm just trying to get a little action here.
Eric: Donna, I just can't.
Donna: Come on, all the other guys are doing it. What's going on? Are you, like, mad at me or something?
Eric: I... Donna, I saw my parents having sex.
Donna: Oh, God! Yee!
Eric: Yeah.
Donna: And you liked it, right?
Eric: No! God, no! That's sick! [Donna laughs] Everyone's sick!
Donna: I'm kidding, Eric, I'm kidding.
Eric: Oh, good one.

Red: Damn, that was funny. [laughs]
Kitty: Well, I don't- I don't know how funny it is. I mean, what if that had been you walking in on your parents. [Red is silent] And your mother was a dancer. I imagine that would have been quite something.
Red: Quit it, Kitty.
Kitty: Oh. [goes to hug Red] Hey, don't. [Kitty chases Red] Now, stop it.

Fez: Boy, Kelso is going to be so happy that I finished his graffiti. Oh, yes. I am very talented. I- [falls off the water tower] Oh, no. I am hurt. And all alone. And it is giving me the finger.

Jackie: You guys, this is so stupid. We should just take him to the hospital.
Kelso: No, Jackie, then my dad will find out. [groans; whimpers]
Eric: Okay, my mom's a nurse. I'm going to go wake her up. Maybe she can fix him.
Hyde: Just don't wake up Red though, he'll kill us all.
Eric: Gee, you think?

Eric: Okay, let's go. Everybody hop in the car and let's go now.
Kelso: Where's your mom?
Eric: Shut up. Don't you dare talk about my mother!

Donna: Eric, are you all right?
Eric: They were sleeping!