Kelso: No! No talking. It makes the driver nervous. So just everybody not talk.
Hyde: OK. Let's just sing songs. Who knows the words to Three's Company?
Jackie & Laurie: I do.
Kelso: No singing.
Hyde: [sings] Come and knock on our door
Jackie & Laurie: [sing] Come and knock on our door
Hyde: We've been waiting for you
Jackie & Laurie: We've been waiting for you Where the kisses are hers and hers and his Three's company, too

Fez: Look at this debauchery. This is the smelly underside of a once great nation. Ooh, yum, candy apples.

Hyde: Hey, man. What do you say we help that chick find her top?
Kelso: Nah. I gotta stay here with the old balls and chains.
Hyde: You know, Kelso, did you ever think about being honest with them? Maybe they won't be mad. Maybe they'll like the idea of sharing you.
Kelso: Man, that'd be great, huh? You think they'd go for that? 'Cause that's been... [laughs] Oh, no. You're trying to set me up, Hyde.
Hyde: You never know if you don't try, man.
Kelso: Are you serious? Be serious, 'cause this is serious. This has been a dream of mine since I was a kid and saw The Parent Trap.
Hyde: There you go.

Red: Oh, for God's sakes, you're a nurse and you can't love a guy in a coma? What the hell kind of a hospital is this?

[soap opera fantasy:]
Narrator: [v.o.] And now, another episode of Point Place.
Red: My God, Kitty... what have I become?
Kitty: [boom mic squeals] I don't know. You're not the man I married. And I'm not Kitty.
Red: What are you saying?
Kitty: I am Kitty. But I am leaving you for Dr. Cloke. Or should I say... Eric's real father.
Red: But why?
Kitty: He has a job. What do you have, Red Forman? What... do... you... have?
Red: I've got nothing. Dear God, will I ever work again? [sobs]

Hyde: What are you doing up?
Donna: Punishing Eric. He knew all about Kelso and Laurie, didn't even tell me.
Hyde: What a bastard.
Donna: Oh, like you didn't know.
Hyde: Of course I knew. Everybody knew. You're the only one who didn't know.
Donna: Shut up, Hyde, I'm mad at him.
Hyde: Look, you don't rat on your friends, and that's just the way it is. Now, I'm laying traps left and right to try and get Kelso caught, but I'm not gonna tell on him, 'cause then I'd be a rat. And that's what Forman would have been if he had told you.
Donna: He still should've told me.
Hyde: Give him a break, Donna. I mean, the guy kisses your ass. He does everything for you, and you're not even sleeping with him.
Donna: Yeah, I guess that's true.
Hyde: You're lucky he even talks to you. In fact, I would've dumped you months ago. But, you know, I'm old-fashioned, so...

Kelso: Whoa. All right. Thank God I found you guys. I'm freezing. Scoot over.
Eric: What? Kelso, no!
Kelso: Wow, this is a roomy bag, huh? Sorry if I'm a little wet.
Donna: What the hell is that smell?
Kelso: Oh, I found these two dogs, and we started wrestling. They were so cool. All right, good night.
Donna: No, Kelso, get out! Get out!
Eric: You smell like a dog.
Donna: You smell. Get out.
Kelso: Well, where am I supposed to sleep?
Eric & Donna: No one cares.
Kelso: Fine!

[fantasy: a Soap-style theme plays:]
Narrator: [v.o.] Will Red get a job? Will Jackie ever find out about Kelso and Laurie? Will we ever find out where Fez is from? Will Hyde ever find his topless Cinderella? And what ever happened to Midge's daughter Tina? Will Eric and Donna ever consummate their illicit teenage love? And what about Chuck and Bob? Oh, wait, they aren't on this show.
Chuck Campbell: [as Bob] See, I told you we weren't on this show. [as himself] Oh, shut up, Bob.
Narrator: Confused? You won't be after the next episode of... That '70s Show.

Laurie: Oh, then, Daddy, since Eric is going out of town, can I have his car?
Kitty: Why? Where are you going?
Laurie: Excuse me, I was talking to Daddy.
Kitty: I know. Where are you going?
Laurie: Frat party.
Kitty: Frat party? No.
Laurie: But, Daddy...
Red: Look, honey, it's up to Eric.
Eric: Really? Well, I mean, I guess... [laughs] No!

Eric: So, Donna and I are all set for Vanstock.
Kelso: Whoa. Donna can't come with us.
Eric: Why not?
Kelso: Well... it's kind of complicated.
Laurie: [enters] Hey, Kelso. So what time are we leaving for Vanstock?
Eric: No.
Kelso: Yeah.
Eric: No!
Kelso: Yeah!
Eric: No!
Laurie: [giggles] I guess you should have given me your car, Eric. Now I'll be with you and Kelso all weekend.