Fez: Nina, I thought we were so happy together. What happened?
Nina: Fez, right now I'm at a point in-
Fez: Oh, cut the crap, heartbreaker. I want the truth!
Nina: Okay, the truth is you're too needy.
Fez: Too needy? I'm sorry, but a man in his sexual prime has needs. And you are lucky to have such a stallion at your disposal.
Nina: No, your needs are fine. It's your neediness that's the problem.
Fez: Then why didn't you say that?
Nina: I didn't want you to make a scene.
Fez: You didn't want me to make a scene? You didn't want me to make a scene? [throws a guy's fries on the floor] Ha! You dump Fez! I dump fries! There's your scene! [to the guy] Here's a dollar. Sorry about the scene.

Hyde: Look, if you wanna get Nina back, you gotta act like you don't care.
Fez: But I don't know how to do that.
Kelso: Well, we can help you. Oh! We'll rebuild you like the Six Million Dollar Man!
[fantasy:]
Fez: Fez One to Control. We have liftoff. All systems are go. Proceed to eat candy. [klaxon blares] Uh-oh. Emergency! Emergency! We are breaking up. I repeat, Nina and I are breaking up.
[cut to Fez on an operating table:]
Kelso: [v.o.] Fez, a teenager, a boy with needs. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology.
Hyde: [v.o.] We can make him more appealing to Nina by making him less needy. [Fez grunts] We can make him cooler, suaver, aloofer.
Eric: "Aloofer"? Is that even a word?
Hyde: We can make it one. We have the technology. [Fez scoffs]
[cut to Fez emerging from the operating table:]
Hyde: Initiate female reaction sequence.
Eric: Release the girls.
Donna: Hey, Fez, looking good.
Jackie: Love the outfit. Totally bionic.
Fez: You mean nothing to me.
Donna: Oh, no. He's no longer needy.
Jackie: And because of that, I want him even more. [Fez jumps back]
Eric, Kelso & Hyde: Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor.
Eric: Terrific job.
Eric, Kelso & Hyde: Doctor. Doctor. Doctor.
Eric: Whoa.
Eric, Kelso & Hyde: Doctor. Doctor.
[reality:]
Fez: Oh, I see. In order to get Nina I have to act like I don't need her. Well, fine. I don't need Nina. I don't need women. I don't need anything! [Fez jumps out of bed]
All: Oh!

Red: How can you give away your stuffing recipe, Kitty? It's the one thing that we have that's better than everyone else's. Our house? Crappier. Our son? Crappier. Our stuffing? Better! [groans]

Nina: Hi, Fez. Can I talk to you?
Fez: Oh, you need permission, do you?
Nina: I think I was a little too hasty breaking up with you.
Fez: Really?
Nina: Yes. I like the new Fez.
Fez: What about the old Fez?
Nina: Not so much.
Fez: You know what, Nina? There's only one Fez and that is a Fez with needs. And if you don't like that, then we shouldn't be together.
Nina: But, Fez, I-
Fez: Shh! Sorry, baby. It's over. Oh, and, Nina, it's not me, it's you. [Nina exits] Ladies of The Hub, why do we try to act like we have no needs? I have needs. For instance, I need a date for Saturday night. Any takers? You, blondie. You there, with the glasses. What about the redhead trying to cover her face? 12,378 here I come.

Eric: Hey. So I went to see Jake Bradley-
Hyde: You mean... [imitating Eric] Jake Bradley?
Eric: Yes. To see if he wanted to hang out. And you know what Mr. Cool Guy was doing? Just hanging out in his basement with his friends and they were watching The Six Million Dollar Man. It was eerie.
Hyde: Was there a skinny guy dating this really hot chick who's way out of his league?
Eric: You know, there was.
Kelso: Wait. Does this mean we're not getting a fat kid to play with?
Eric: No, man. We don't need anyone else. You know what? We've only got two months until graduation and we can't waste a second of that.
Hyde: Forman's right. Let's seize the day, man.

Jackie: Six Million Dollar Man. That's like a $20 jumpsuit and a $4 haircut. Mmm. Where did all the money go?
Donna: I think we've seen this episode. Yeah. And we were sitting in these exact same seats when we saw it.
Hyde: Actually, you were sitting over there. I remember, 'cause I could see up your skirt.
Eric: You guys, we do the exact same thing every day. TV, snack, nap. It's- You know what? This isn't a basement. This is a nursing home.
Kelso: I know something new we could do. Jackie, Donna, get naked. The rest of you guys back off and give us some room.

Donna: I don't like Lance Crawford. He's always staring at me in this really creepy way. And this one time, I saw him fiddling around in my locker. When I opened it, there was a rose inside, and my gym socks were missing.
Kelso: Donna, a little advice. You're not gonna want those socks back.

Jackie: I can't think of anyone new I wanna hang out with. All the girls I know are either too snobby or too slutty.
Kelso: Yeah, I'm not good with the snobs, but slutty's my bread and butter.
Eric: You know, what we need are people with stuff to offer, like Mark Herman. He's got that dirt bike. I always liked him.
Kelso: Sold it last week.
Eric: That punk. He's out.
Donna: Hey, Carrie Gerber has a trampoline.
Hyde: Carrie Gerber also has a big, hairy mole. I don't wanna be bouncing around and get tangled up in that.

Eric: Red alert, you guys. Red alert. Lance Crawford is in the building.
Donna: I'm getting the hell outta here!
Jackie: Wait, wait, wait. What if he sees us sneaking out?
Kelso: Oh, Donna leave one of your socks behind. [Donna punches Kelso's arm] What? It'll distract him.

Jackie: Oh, poor Fez. Too depressed to leave his room.
Eric: That's it. You guys, we gotta cheer him up.
Donna: Eric, knock first. If Fez is alone, I'm guessing he's not wearing pants.
Kelso: Oh, awesome! Wait. Let's catch him.