Hyde: I don't care when you ate, Fez, get in the pool now.
Fez: If I get a cramp, it will be on your head.

Hyde: You heard her, let's drink beer.
Kelso: Me first.
Donna: No way, I spotted it.
Kelso: No, I saw it, too, I just didn't say anything.
Hyde: You saw a keg and you didn't say anything? Back of the line.
Eric: All right, how do you get the beer out?
Hyde: Through the tap.
Eric: What tap?
Hyde: [wails] No!

Hyde: Okay, we really need a tap here.
Kelso: I got my Swiss army knife.
Hyde: Well, great, we can whittle the beer out.

Kelso: Hey, I see you've got some new steins here. Hi, I'm 25. I know I look young, but my dad asked me to come down here and pick up a tap for his keg. And he's 43, so we're both legal. No problem there. Uh, I'm not going to be drinking the beer or anything. 'Cause I don't believe in it but no offense to you. I think selling liquor is a great thing.
Man: Yeah, here you go.
Kelso: Yeah. Because I'm 25, right?
Man: Because you've got money.
Kelso: Yeah, but I am 25.
Man: Don't need to be. Can't drink a tap.
Kelso: No, I can prove it you. I got my IDs out in the wallet.
Man: Happens all the time. Take care.
Kelso: Yeah, but I-
Man: Leave, now.
Kelso: Yeah. [exits]

Midge: So you see what I'm saying about the poor man?
Kitty: Yes, you have made your point. Many times.
Midge: He's a bad boy, he's had some rough breaks, but he isn't bad in his soul. [sobs]
Kitty: Okay. Enough daiquiris for you.
Midge: Kitty, what do you look for in a man?
Kitty: Oh, well, I'm married. I'm kind of through looking.
Midge: Kitty, you can always look. It helps you to fantasize. Like some nights, I'm doing the news with Walter Cronkite.
Kitty: Okay, um, I'm just... You know, I'm gonna finish your daiquiri.

Donna: It's broken.
Kelso: I got duct tape.
Hyde: Duct tape? Do you know how much pressure runs through that tap?
Kelso: I got a whole roll of duct tape.

Hyde: I can't work like this. Forman, you need to get your dad's tap now.
Eric: My dad doesn't have a tap.
Hyde: Red's got bicentennial swizzle sticks. He's got fake lemons with real lemon juice. He's got toothpicks shaped like swords. Red Forman is a cocktail dad. And cocktail dads have beer taps.

Bob: Oh, look, they got Pina Colada in a can.
Red: Bob! We're doing something here.
Bob: All right.
Boy: You know, I might have heard something about a party. Can't recall. Maybe Andrew Jackson could remind me.
Bob: Andrew Jackson, huh? [pulls out money] He's not in. But Abe Lincoln's hanging out with the Washington twins. Would they have any knowledge of the festivities?
Red: [takes Bob's money] So, a real wisenheimer, huh? Well, let's see how smart you are when I snap off your head!
Boy: Okay, okay, man. They said something about a vacant house on Sherman.
Bob: I know that place. It's the vacant house on Sherman.
Red: Good work, Starsky. Let's roll.

Midge: Sometimes Bob pretends he's poor. I call him Buster. He knocks on the door, and I answer it in my teddy. And he says, "Does the rich lady need any help around the house?" [Kitty drinks] And I say, "I know a something that needs attending to in the bedroom." [laughs] I'll spare you the intimate details but it ends in whoopee. [Kitty smokes a cigarette]
Kitty: You know, this is as much fun to make as it is to eat. You know, speaking of which, um, how do you get Bob to play those games?
Midge: I have a reward system.
Kitty: Huh. You know, sometimes Red would wear a sailor's uniform.
Midge: Really?
Kitty: Yeah, but he was in the Navy.
Midge: [Midge does a spit-take] Oh, Kitty. [Kitty laughs]

Eric: My dad's gonna kill me.
Donna: You're always saying that.
Eric: Yeah, well, this time he's gonna kill me. I mean, I cut class, I trespassed, I had stolen beer and then I swung into a pool full of cops on a garden hose carrying my dad's tap.
Donna: Yeah, that was so cool.
Eric: Really?
Donna: Really. [they kiss] You looked dangerous.
Eric: Did I mention that I killed a guy in algebra?
Donna: Good night... killer. [walks away]
Eric: [to himself] Bring it on, Red.