Hyde: No one's making me go, that's for sure.
Jackie: Oh, that is it, Steven. As your girlfriend, I am ordering you to go to this party.
Hyde: And as your boyfriend, I'm ordering you to take your bossy mouth and flap it elsewhere.
Kelso: If you flap it at me, I'll go with you.
Jackie: You hear that, Steven? Michael wants to go to the party with me.
Hyde: I'm not going to the party.
Jackie: Fine. Michael, I would love to go to the party with you.
Kelso: Kick-ass! I love parties!

Jackie: [gasps] Steven, you came, just like I thought you would. You buckled.
Hyde: No, I got hungry. [grabs Kelso by the tie] You're in my seat.
Kelso: Damn, Hyde, now everyone knows it's a clip-on.

Kitty: Okay. Okay, let's try another card. Um, "If you could be anyone's shoe whose shoe would you be?"
Donna: I wouldn't want to be Red's shoe, 'cause I think it's about to go in someone's ass.
Red: That's it! I'm watching Battle of the Network Stars.
Hyde: I'm with you. Have fun with Mr. Clip-on.
Eric: Yeah, you know what? Me too.
Donna: Wait. You're leaving?
Eric: There are lasers going off right now! Perfectly synchronized lasers! And all of a sudden, you're, like- like, Lady Dinner Rolls shaking me down with her naughty places.
Fez: I'm going too. Apparently we can eat a man's food, but we cannot fix his ticket.
Kitty: Well, what happened to my dinner party?
Kelso: I'm sorry, Mrs. Forman, but Marilu Henner only gets on the trampoline once a year and I'm not gonna miss it.

Nina: We're all here for someone else. And you know why? It's right there in front of us, girls. Women are giving.
Jackie: I'm not giving. I'm here for me. Steven is the one who should think about others. I mean, how could he just ditch me?
Donna: Well, Jackie, it might have to do with trying to boss him around, then showing up with Kelso.
Nina: She's right.
Jackie: I know she's right. But you're not a part of the group, and I don't like you, so zip it!

Kelso: Man, look at you guys, all forced to hide in the basement because of your women.
Eric: Hey. I'm not hiding from anyone. I finally set Donna straight.
Hyde: Alls you did was babble about lasers and naughty places. Man, I thought you were having a stroke.
Eric: Whatever, man. You caved just like Jackie wanted.
Hyde: I didn't cave. Just wanted to make sure "Don Juan el Tardo" here kept his hands off her.
Eric: Then how do you explain the necktie?
Hyde: I just came from a business meeting.

Eric: That's right. Gentlemen, let's go get our cojones back.
Red: I gotta see this.
Hyde: Hey, man, you coming?
Kelso: Nah, I still have my cojones. My lonely, lonely cojones.

Donna: Oh, look who it is. You bake a brownie, and the bastards come running.
Eric: I'm afraid your brownies are powerless now. Fez has something to say. Fez.
Fez: Can I have a brownie?
Eric: Fez.
Fez: Oh. Right, right, right, right. Nina, I insist you take care of Red's ticket, because I am in charge.
Nina: Yeah, it's not gonna happen.
Fez: Okay.
Eric: Man, what the hell?
Fez: I have needs. Nina, if I do everything you want, would you be my girlfriend?
Nina: Can't say no to that. [chuckles]
Fez: I cannot believe it. I have a girlfriend! [they kiss] So when do we do it?

Kitty: I am not speaking to you.
Red: Well, at least it will be quiet enough to go to sleep.

[dream sequence:]
Kelso: And the canoeing champion for this year's Battle of the Network Stars is Red Forman.
Red: My team. Thanks, Jamie Farr. And I'd like to give a special thanks to Ed Asner. Ed, thanks for paddling your canoe like a girl. Where's your spunk now, you big pansy? [laughs]