Red: I got some big news from the Price Mart home office.
Hyde: Ooh. hey finally gonna let you physically discipline the workers?
Red: No, but I still have a free hand at home.
Hyde: Right.

Red: Headquarters is having every manager make a departmental training film. And they picked me for the stockroom.
Kitty: Stockroom. Wow!
Red: Yeah. Steve from Oshkosh got ice and snow management. [chuckles] Loser.
Kitty: Well, Red, that is wonderful.
Red: Yeah, I know. Every single Price Mart stock boy will be trained in the Red Forman way.
Eric: Oh, you mean, undermining their self-esteem until they're too weak to fight back?
Red: You know, if you would just zip it for a second, you might be interested in hearing who I want to play the stock boy.
Eric: Oh, look, Dad, I appreciate the thought-
Red: I'm gonna use this idiot.
Kelso: All right!

Eric: How could he pick Kelso to play the stock boy? I'm the one with the acting experience. Remember? I was mushroom number two in Alice in Wonderland.
Kitty: But you were mushroom number one in my heart.

Eric: What's up?
Donna: We're going to lunch.
Eric: We're going to lunch?
Kitty: Well, actually, honey, we're going to lunch.
Eric: You and I are going to lunch?
Kitty: Well, no.
Eric: You and Donna and I are going to lunch?
Kitty: Well, almost, honey.
Eric: You and Donna are going to lunch?
Donna: [clicks tongue] Nothing gets past you, Einstein.
Eric: I don't think I like the idea of you two going out to lunch together.
Kitty: Well, what if we bring you back a sandwich?
Eric: Well, a sandwich isn't gonna make me feel better, Mom.
Kitty: Okay, then. We're leaving.
Eric: Well, in that case, I would like a sandwich. [Donna and Kitty exit] Yeah, I don't like this day.

Jackie: Eric, have you seen Donna? She was supposed to help me sort out my daytime cosmetics from my nighttime cosmetics but she never showed up.
Eric: Oh, you haven't heard? Donna's got a new friend and I, for one, think it's time you met her. [they walk into the kitchen]
Jackie: Donna, what are you doing?
Kitty: We invented a new cookie. It's a variation of the snickerdoodle. We're calling it the "DonnaKitty." Or the "Ditty." [laughs] We haven't decided.
Jackie: Donna, you're supposed to be sorting. As in, my cosmetics.
Donna: Oh, yeah. I'm real sorry I missed that.
Eric: It started as an annoying, but innocent lunch. And now they're inventing cookies. It's growing, man. It's the freakin' Blob.
Jackie: Donna, why do you need a new friend? Haven't I always been there for you?
Donna: Uh, no.
Jackie: I hope your cookies burn!

Jackie: Eric, old people and young people are not supposed to spend time together. It's unnatural.
Eric: What am I supposed to do about it?
Jackie: Well, you better do something. You know what girls talk about when they get together.
Eric: Um, sugar and spice and everything nice?
Jackie: That's what we're made of, you dumbass. They talk about men, and that would be you. Well, barely.
Eric: You know, you could really use a refill on the "everything nice."

Jackie: Okay, we need to talk. It's about, shall we say, your new crowd.
Eric: And don't even pretend you and Donna aren't talking about me. Because I know what's going on here, and it goes a little something like this...
[fantasy: Kitty and Donna are admiring Donna's new Kitty-esque hairstyle:]
Eric: [as Kitty] Oh, honey, you look wonderful.
Eric: [as Donna] Say, can we look at Eric's naked baby pictures again?
Eric: [as Kitty] They're right here! My, you could tell even then he'd always be small.
Eric: [as Donna] Yeah, he really is tiny. It's not satisfying.
Eric: [as Kitty] Well, how could it be, dear?
Eric: [as Donna] But at least he's nice.
Eric: [as Kitty] Yeah, he's nice. For a nancy boy! [mimics Kitty's laugh]
[reality:]
Eric: So, what do you say to that?
Kitty: [laughs] [laughing continues]

Hyde: Thanks again, Leo.
Fez: Yes, thank you. You know what would make this outfit perfect? A cockatoo.
Leo: Then we'll get a cockatoo, or three.

Kelso: Hey, Red, listen, I've got this great new idea I want to lay on you about our movie.
Eric: Dad, I've heard this idea and speaking as an unbiased observer with no score to settle, it is great. Go!
Red: Kelso, you don't get to have ideas.
Eric: Dad, if I could just interject. This idea will literally change industrial filmdom forever. Go get 'em, Kelso. Go!
Kelso: Okay. The stock boy has a love interest.
Red: No.
Kelso: Now, before you say no, I've already found the perfect person.
Jackie: [enters] Oh, stock boy, I love you!
Red: No. Get out.

Eric: Oh, well, look who's here. Do a little shopping, ladies?
Donna: Well, it's not like I can take my dad shopping. I mean, every time the sales lady brings over some underwear, he gets embarrassed and goes, "Whoo-hoo!"