Kelso: Oh, wait. So you don't even care that I did better than him?
Jackie: Not really.
Kelso: Well, if being smart isn't gonna help me impress the chicks then I want no part of it. I'm gonna go back to coasting through life on my good looks. Hey, and my brains will always be there, so if I ever need 'em, I'll just whip 'em out and use 'em like a secret emergency rocket pack.
Hyde: That's a good plan, man.
Kelso: Hey, it beats the hell out of reading.

Hyde: Forman, the S.A.T.'s prove nothing. I mean, I got a 950, and I don't even have any textbooks. Or a locker.
Jackie: Wait, wait. A 950? Steven, I knew it. You do have potential.
Hyde: Yeah. Imagine what I could do if I only applied myself. Oh, well. Guess we'll never know.

Fez: Guess what.
Jackie: Ugh, nobody guess. It's always about boobs.
Fez: Oh, come on. Don't you want to know what I have to say?
Hyde: Man, I never know what you have to say. I mean, in your head you're speaking English but when it comes out, it's all buzzes and clicks.
Fez: Oh, really? Well, I guess I was speaking English to the S.A.T.'s because I got 1,000 points. Oh, and last night on cable I saw four boobs.

Eric: Wait. So the S.A.T.'s are in? Donna, did you see your scores yet?
Donna: Yeah. This morning. I got a 1,230.
Eric: What? A 1,230? That's great. Why didn't you say something?
Donna: Well, I didn't want to brag. I mean, yeah, I kicked ass, but it's no big deal.

Eric: I just- I can't believe I got the lowest score here.
Fez: Oh, Eric, someone had to come in last. There is no shame in that. Well, there is a little shame. Shame on you. [chuckles]
Donna: Hey. You know, who cares what anyone got? It's just a stupid test.
Eric: You know what? You're right. I don't care.
Kelso: [enters] I got a 1,030! [Eric wails and sobs] Yeah! I did good on a test, man. Something's happening to me. I'm blooming like a flower. Whoo-hoo!

Red: [to Eric] You. What happened on the S.A.T.'s?
Kitty: Okay, you know he's not good under pressure. He can't pee in a public restroom because there's an audience.

Red: What's wrong with you?
Eric: I don't know. Maybe I'm not smart.
Red: Who says you're not smart?
Eric: You.
Red: When?
Eric: Always.
Red: Your problem is you got your head up your ass.

Hyde: Kelso, what the hell are you doing with a book?
Kelso: Reading. [Fez and Hyde laugh] I am reading. 'Cause what good is having brains if you got nothing up here?

Jackie: Steven, just imagine what your life would be like with the love and support of a good woman.
[fantasy:]
Jackie: Oh! Thank God for your strong S.A.T.'s. Now we don't have to be poor.
Hyde: Not poor, indeed. Basic math and verbal skills are the ticket to great wealth, and therefore great happiness.
Jackie: Oh. Poor person! Bring me a fancy cocktail.
Fez: It is my privilege to wait on you, madam.
Jackie: Oh, quite so, quite so. All right. Enough with the idle chatter. Go be poor.
[reality:]
Hyde: Wait. Someone's playing the harp in the corner? 'Cause if I'm rich, I'm hiring, like, Jethro Tull.
Fez: Who cares? It's the same thing every time: I'm a butler, I'm a bellhop, I'm a stable boy. Well, I've had enough. I will not wait on you people anymore. Got it? Good. Now who wants a Popsicle?

Eric: Hey. You guys. You know how Red's always telling me I need to buckle down? Well, it turns out he's right. I do have to buckle down.
Fez: You sure do. He's got an 800. There's your butler.
Eric: Man, how can I ever marry Donna? I mean, I'm an idiot around her now, and we're only engaged.
All: What?
Eric: Oops.
Kelso: You're engaged?
Eric: [chuckles] No.
Hyde: How could you give her that ring? You're in high school, man, and according to the S.A.T.'s that's about as far as you're gonna go.
Eric: Look. Just don't tell Donna I told you, okay? She'd kill me. It's supposed to be a secret.
Fez: Of course she wants it a secret. "I'm marrying dumb guy." Who wants that spread around?