Kelso: Oh, my God. That's... That's the girl. That's the one I made it with at the Molly Hatchet concert.
Eric: That's Brooke.
Hyde: Man, no one sleeps with that Brooke. When we were sophomores and she was a senior, she turned down her science teacher, and he drove a Corvette.
Eric: Yeah, she was like some kind of mythical creature, like a unicorn.
Hyde: It's weird, it seems like she's moving too fast. It's probably cause all my memories of her are in super jiggle sexy slo-mo.
Kelso: Well, all I know is, that's her, and I did it with her, and I'll prove it.

Kelso: Hey, Brooke. Yeah, I know this is kind of awkward, but could you tell my friends over there... [guys wave]... about you and me at the Molly Hatchet concert?
Brooke: Do I know you?
Eric: Hey, I'm sorry to interrupt but... Burn! [laughs]
Kelso: It's me, Michael, from the concert. I've been looking for you for weeks, and I think you were so blissed out, and that does happen, that you gave me the wrong phone number. But the good news is, I wasn't a dream.
Brooke: I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.
Kelso: No, Michael Kelso. "Let's do it in the men's room, it's more romantic." No, wait... I kicked that kid out of the handicapped stall so we could have more room!

Kelso: Why doesn't Brooke like me? I am a gentleman.
Eric: Oh, yeah, you lied about doing it with a hot girl in the men's room. You're Cary Grant.

Jackie: Steven, you've been quiet. Do you think Brooke's hot?
Hyde: Do you really want me to answer that question?
Kelso: Oh, I think we all do.
Jackie: Steven, it's no big deal. Do you think she's hot?
Hyde: Oh, well, I guess since you're not setting a trap, I can answer honestly. Yeah, she's freaking hot.
Jackie: A-ha! See, I trapped you. Now take it back or I'll pinch you.
Hyde: Jackie, if you pinch me, it's gonna cause a serious problem in this relationship.
Jackie: Fine. [kicks Hyde and runs out]
Hyde: Ow!

Donna: Kelso, what are you doing?
Kelso: I'm looking for Brooke's phone number. I mean, why won't she admit that we did it?
Eric: Kelso, there are racehorses and there are donkeys, and you are a great donkey. You are, like, top donkey. But she's a racehorse, and guess what? She don't want no donkey.

Brooke: Can I help you?
Kelso: Yes, I'd like an order of books, please.
Brooke: Could you be more specific?
Kelso: Could you be more beautiful?
Brooke: Could you be more lame?
Kelso: Yes.
Boy: Excuse me, I'm trying to read.
Kelso: Don't be a sissy. You know what? Here's a firecracker, go live a little.
Boy: Thanks.

Kelso: I can't believe Brooke. I mean, standing there at the library, totally resisting me.
Hyde: I can't believe we have a library.
Eric: I know, what is it, like, invisible?
Kelso: No, no, you know that parking lot where we drink beer in? Okay, well, you know that wall that we lean up against? That's the library.
Hyde: Oh!
Fez: Well, then guess who has peed on the library?

Donna: Kelso, if you want Brooke to like you, you know, maybe you should go to the library and show her you can be smart.
Kelso: [groans] I hate the library. The only good thing about it is that you can check out Playboys. I mean, they have every issue since it started.
Eric: Wait, every issue? Are you telling me that they have the one with Pamela Sue Martin, television's Nancy Drew, in a grotto, straddling the world's luckiest boulder? [off Donna's look] They have periodicals, you say?

Kelso: Get those out of here, man. I'm trying to impress Brooke with my intelligence. Here she comes. Say, Eric, this encyclopedia of scientific terms has really taught me something. See, by lifting this encyclopedia of scientific terms above my head, I'm using my body's stored energy, also known as uranium.
Brooke: Um, actually, it's known as calories, but I do believe at some point you were exposed to radiation.
Kelso: All right, look, I don't know what you have against me, but I'm not leaving here until I convince you to go out with me.
Boy: That's the man who gave me the firecrackers, Mom.
Kelso: I gotta run.

Eric: Psst! Kid, hey, see this? That's a Playboy. And inside are things beyond your wildest dreams, magical, glorious things. So if I toss it in your book and you check it out for me, I'll let you have a look-see. What do you say?
Boy: You're pathetic. Just go buy a Playboy, you loser.
Eric: Loser? Hey, I'm not the one reading Hardy Boys. For your information, the stolen money was hidden in the grandfather clock! Who's the loser now? [firecracker explodes] [Eric whimpers]