‘Thank You’
Season 5, Episode 8 - Aired December 3, 2002
Eric wants to reveal his and Donna's engagement on Thanksgiving, but first he has to hide the fact that he's failing math. Meanwhile, Kitty's parents, Bea (Betty White) and Burt (Tom Poston) visit for the holidays, and Laurie returns home.
Quote from Fez
Kitty: Okay, careful. Careful. Watch the TV. Okay. Okay, this is good. Perfect. Perfect.
[Fez bumps into Red]
Red: You. Why are you here? You don't even know what Thanksgiving is.
Fez: I'm here because my host parents are feeding bums at church. Charity begins at home, my ass.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Laurie.
Laurie: Hey, little brother.
Eric: You're back. And you're not even eight months pregnant.
Quote from Laurie
Laurie: Hi, Daddy.
Red: All the phones broken in Chicago?
Laurie: No. Well, see, I had other plans but my date - I mean, business associate - had to go be with his wife. I mean, other business associate. I'm doing good.
Quote from Laurie
Hyde: Pimp gave you the holiday off, huh?
Laurie: Yeah. He replaced me with your mom.
Hyde: Now it's Thanksgiving.
Quote from Kitty
Burt: That's a beautiful table, Kitty.
Kitty: Well, thank you, Daddy. So glad that you and Mom could be here.
Bea: Well, we have to eat somewhere.
Kitty: And, Mom, I know that we have had our ups and downs, but in honor of this special day, I would like to tell you that I am thankful that you are my mother, and I love you. [Bea nods] Isn't there something you would like to tell me?
Bea: Actually, I would like some more tea.
Burt: I'll try and slip some booze in there in the interest of a happy holiday.
Quote from Fez
Kitty: Okay, um who likes dark meat?
Fez: Hey, who doesn't? Am I right, ladies?
Kitty: Oh, Lord.
[The Formans' Thanksgiving scene turns into Norman Rockwell's "Freedom from Want"]
Quote from Kitty
Bea: Burt, honey, pass me your plate. Burtikins. [shouts] Burt!
Burt: [wakes up] I'm up.
Red: Bob, you know what Eric's problem is? All that time he's spending with your daughter.
Bob: Hey, Donna ain't the problem. Eric's the one who corrupted her up so dirty, I had to send her to Catholic school.
Kitty: How could he be failing math?
Bea: Kitty, I'm sure he did the best he could. For someone who was held too long as a baby.
Laurie: I bet that explains why he hit puberty so late too.
Bea: No. That was because of your mother's smoking.
Quote from Laurie
Bea: Burt. Burtie Bear. [shouts] Burt!
Laurie: Grandma, let me. [shouts] Grandpa!
Burt: I'm up!
Bea: My goodness, you are going to make some lucky man a wonderful wife.
Kitty: Oh, my God. That's where Laurie gets her mean streak. It's not from delightful me. It's from my evil mother!
Hyde: So evil skips a generation.
Eric: So that means that my granddaughter is gonna be the devil.
Quote from Red
Red: Eric, what the hell is wrong with you?
Laurie: He doesn't understand consequences, Daddy.
Red: Well, maybe he'll understand this. From now on, every time you disobey me or lie to me or do anything that pisses me off, you're gonna pay me money.
Eric: Pay you? Wait, you're fining me?
Laurie: It's like giving him tickets for being dumb.
Eric: Okay, okay. I think we're forgetting about a time-tested punishment. There's your foot. Here's my ass. Swing away.
Red: Well, it obviously doesn't work. So, for forging my name you owe me 30 bucks. [Eric hands over 30 bucks]
Laurie: Daddy, can I borrow $30?
Red: Sure, kitten. Laurie, your grandparents are sleeping in your room. So you take Eric's room, and the math whiz can ride the couch.
Quote from Eric
Donna: I know we're young.
Eric: But we're totally in love.
Donna: And we just want you to know...
Both: We're engaged! - We're engaged!
[Burt is asleep in Red's chair]
Donna: Feels good to tell someone.
Eric: Yeah. I think they're happy for us.
[Schotzie is licking himself on Burt's lap]
Donna: Look, Schotzie's celebrating.