‘Take It or Leave It’
Season 7, Episode 23 - Aired May 11, 2005
Donna is upset about Eric's decision to spend a year teaching in Africa. When Jackie gets a job offer in Chicago, she wants Hyde to make a commitment to their relationship before she decides what to do. Meanwhile, Red's navy buddy's son, Charlie (Bret Harrison), visits.
Quote from Kelso
Red: It's funny, Eric. I thought I told you to clean out the Vista Cruiser, but what I must have said was, "Go sit on your ass."
Hyde: No, I was there, Red. You definitely said, "Go clean out the Cruiser," but he just insists on being defiant.
Eric: Look, I'm sorry, Dad, but something really important came up. I Dream of Jeannie did her blinking thing, and now Dr. Bellows thinks he's a monkey.
Kelso: No, Dr. Bellows is a monkey that thinks he's a doctor, that's what's funny. He's sitting at the desk and stuff, but he's a monkey.
Red: You're a monkey.
Kelso: You're a monkey.
Red: Eric, I need that car to go pick up Charlie at the airport.
Fez: You're bringing another guy here? We need another guy here like I need another firecracker in my bathing suit.
Kelso: Well, until you learn to stop wearing Speedos, you're gonna keep getting firecrackers.
Quote from Eric
Eric: Charlie's this annoyingly nice kid. His dad and my dad were drinking buddies in the Navy.
Red: We weren't drinking buddies. We were finely honed killing buddies.
Eric: Yeah, well, I never liked him. At the last Navy picnic, we got teamed up for the egg toss, and he dropped our egg, on purpose, just so these little sick kids could win. Those little twerps went home with my goldfish in a bag. My goldfish.
Red: Yeah, well, Charlie's only gonna be here a few days on business for his dad, and the last thing he needs is to be exposed to you deviants.
Eric: Whoa, Dad, we are not deviants.
Kelso: Jeannie's bending over!
Quote from Kelso
Jackie: You guys, I gotta talk to Steven about something really serious.
Kelso: [gasps] Maybe she's pregnant.
Fez: Maybe she cheated on him.
Kelso: Maybe she cheated on him and she's pregnant.
Quote from Jackie
Jackie: Steven, this TV producer called to tell me he loved my public access show. And then he offered me a job at his station in Chicago starting next week.
Hyde: Whoa. You're gonna take a job and move to Chicago?
Jackie: No, no, not yet. Well, I wanted to talk to you about it first.
Kelso: Oh! This is serious serious, not funny serious. We should probably leave.
Fez: But we won't.
Jackie: Steven, this is my dream come true, but you are the most important thing in the world to me. So I'm willing to give it all up and stay here with you. But if I do that, I need to know we're gonna get married.
Hyde: Jackie, we just agreed not to talk about our future.
Jackie: But our future is happening right now. Look, the station needs an answer by noon on Sunday, and I do, too.
Hyde: Well, I don't know what to say right now.
Kelso: I know this is a sensitive moment, but may I offer a word of advice? Run! [Fez runs out] [Kelso runs out]
Quote from Fez
Kelso: Morning.
Fez: Hey, I smell bacon.
Kitty: Hey, boys, have you met Charlie?
Kelso: Oh, hey. I'm Kelso. I'm gonna eat your breakfast.
Fez: And I'm Fez, and just so you know, I'm the coolest guy in this gang.
Quote from Red
Red: All right, I gotta go to work. Charlie, if Eric and his friends start to bother you, just hold up a book. It's like kryptonite to them.
Quote from Kelso
Charlie: Wow, who's she?
Kelso: Don't even think about it. Donna is with Eric and then she's mine.
Fez: And then she is mine.
Kelso: And then, right back to me for another go-round.
Quote from Eric
Eric: You know what, Hyde? Your problem is you didn't handle Jackie's ultimatum like a man. Like, if Donna tries that with me, I'm just gonna say, "Hey, guess what? You don't get to tell me what to do with my life." And then, depending on how much steam I have left, I may even call her toots.
Quote from Donna
Donna: Hey, Eric. You know how guys always ask me out, but I say no because I have a boyfriend?
Kelso: It's true, she won't budge.
Donna: Well, since you're going to Africa, I figured, you know, I should be moving on with my life, too. And there's this guy named Kevin where I work, and he asked me out tonight. I said yes.
Eric: What? You're gonna... Oh. I think I see what's going on here. Looks like somebody's caught the ultimatum bug. [chuckles] Okay, um, I'll play along. You're gonna go out with this Kevin guy or what?
Donna: Or nothing. This isn't an ultimatum.
Eric: Okay, I'm prepared for an ultimatum.
Donna: [sighs] I need to figure out what I'm gonna wear. Maybe that really short pink skirt.
Fez: Oh, that's over at my place.
Charlie: You have her skirt?
Fez: Don't judge me, new guy.
Quote from Fez
Fez: It feels so good not to be the monkey in the middle. Dance, monkey, dance.