‘Ski Trip’
Season 1, Episode 13 - Aired January 17, 1999
Eric and friends go on a ski trip without Kelso after he cheated on Jackie. Meanwhile, Red and Kitty try to make the most of an empty house for the night.
Quote from Fez
Fez: Look, I made my first snowball. I love snow so much, my fingers are numb with joy.
Donna: That's frostbite, Fez.
Fez: How rude. I hate your white man's winter.
Donna: Get in the car, Fez. Get in the car.
Quote from Eric
Eric: [to himself] Okay, think, Eric, think. Why kitty litter?
Red: [imaginary] Use the gum, Eric.
Eric: Dad? What're you doing here?
Red: I'm not here. You're imagining me. Now who's insane, Mr. Smartmouth?
Eric: I guess I am.
Red: Use the gum to stick the candle in the can. The candle heats the can, which melts the snow behind the tire. Then pour on the kitty litter for traction. Now you think you can handle that?
Eric: Yes, sir.
Red: Good. Because you don't want me back out here. I may be a figment of your imagination, but I'm still freezing my ass off.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: Michael, what are you doing down here?
Kelso: You know what? I think Eric actually went. What a jerk.
Kitty: Why don't you just go to Jackie's cabin and talk to him?
Kelso: I can't, I don't have a car. And besides, Jackie hates me forever 'cause I kissed Pam Macy.
Kitty: You know, when Mr. Forman and I were dating, I saw him kissing a girl in a movie theater once and I forgave him.
Kelso: You forgave him for kissing another girl?
Kitty: Yes, sir. I mean, it wasn't- It wasn't so much kissing as it was a groping sloppy, pawing, nibbling nightmare. [laughs]
Kelso: But you forgave him.
Kitty: Yeah. I forgave the bastard.
Kelso: Cool!
Quote from Red
Red: Okay. Candles, check. Chianti, check. Fancy nut mix, check. [Kitty walks in] And how's my pretty lady?
Kitty: Oh, you are so full of crap.
Quote from Red
Red: Kitty, this can't just be about me and Lyn Taylor. What's really bothering you?
Kitty: Okay. I just want to know why not me?
Red: Why not you what? I married you.
Kitty: Yeah, but when we were dating, you just sat there. You held my hand politely. Didn't you think that I might enjoy a passionate manhandling in a public place?
Red: Well, I respected you. I'm an old-fashioned guy. I don't think that you should grope and maul the one you love. Until you get to Florida... at the Fontainebleau with the door locked and a carton of cigarettes.
Kitty: Oh, Red, our honeymoon. [they kiss]
Red: Let's go upstairs.
Kitty: No. Let's go to the movies.
Quote from Hyde
Eric: All right, guys, this is no sweat. If we leave right after school we should make it to Jackie's ski cabin by, like, 6:00.
Hyde: Man, I can't wait. A trip to my favorite place. Anywhere but here.
Quote from Eric
Eric: And I'm betting that Alpine Valley is gonna give the kid many make-out opportunities with Donna this weekend. The kid is in.
Hyde: What's with the whole "kid" thing?
Eric: It's cool. It's not cool?
Fez: Not cool. Dorky.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Guess who made out with Pam Macy behind the gym?
Hyde: Everyone.
Kelso: No! Me! [laughs]
Eric: Kelso, a lot of people hang out behind the gym.
Kelso: Yeah, that's what's so great about it. Everybody saw it!
Hyde: Oh, that's great, man.
Kelso: Yeah.
Hyde: Because now everybody can tell Jackie, you moron.
Eric: Yeah. And then she's gonna dump you and we won't be able to go up to her ski cabin.
Kelso: She's never gonna find out.
Quote from Red
Red: So, Eric's going away for the weekend. Whole house to ourselves. You know what that means?
Kitty: Dinner in front of the TV.
Red: No.
Kitty: You dog. [Red chuckles]