Fez: I'm sorry about what I did to that poor bunny. I guess my gun really had a "hare" trigger, huh? Too soon? Yes, too soon. Well, I apologize for ruining our first date.
Suzy Simpson: Our first date? No, I was there on a date with Michael.
Fez: What? No, no, he told me we were on a date.
Suzy Simpson: He told me we were on a date.
Fez: You and me "we," or he and you "we"?
Suzy Simpson: I think one of us has been lied to. And the other one, too!
Fez: Well, then, you should be very angry, which means... I am, too!
Kelso: Hey, why don't you two kiss and make up?
Suzy Simpson: Michael, what kind of game are you playing, inviting me on a date that wasn't with you?
Fez: Yeah, I second that, but about her, and add, "You son of a bitch!"
Kelso: Okay, look, I have a really good explanation for this. But I left it at home. [runs out]

Stuart Sutcliffe: Hi. I'm the stress management specialist, Stuart-
Red: Sutcliffe. You played tight end for the Packers.
Stuart Sutcliffe: Yeah, till I bent my knee sideways.
Eric: Actually, that happened to me in the school musical. I was a dancing mushroom. Anyway, long story short... I finished the number.

Kitty: Oh, oh, and I am his loving, relaxing wife, Kitty.
Red: How about that. A real, live Packer in the house.
Kitty: [laughs] Well, I hope the fact that you both love sports doesn't mean that anyone, like, say, his wife would be judged unfairly. I mean, I love sports, so... So don't start me off with four strikes in the last quarter of the Super Series! [laughs]
Stuart Sutcliffe: No, no. Today I'm just a neutral observer with a degree in Family Therapy and Alcohol Awareness.
Eric: So, Dad, you can talk to him about sports, and, Mom, you can talk to him about drinking.
Kitty: [laughs] Oh, pooh! I was instructed by the doctor to have the occasional medicinal cocktail. I have a note.
Stuart Sutcliffe: Red, how do you feel about Kitty's drinking?
Red: Makes things easier.
Stuart Sutcliffe: But drinking often adds a lot of stress to a household.
Kitty: If you will excuse me, I'd rather not stay here and listen to you blame me. Mother hater!

Bob: Hey, Kitty. You busy?
Kitty: No. Red and I are just having our marriage dissected by a teetotaling know-it-all!
Bob: Oh. Then is now a good time to tell Red I broke his chainsaw?
Kitty: No, he'll be furious with you. Yes. He will be furious with you! Come with me.

Kitty: Oh, so, fine. Now you're best friends. Now everyone's all happy, and I look like the crazy one, just yelling and screaming in the middle of the living room. Well, I am not the crazy one, even though I am yelling and screaming in the middle of the living room! Is that a camera?
Stuart Sutcliffe: [o.s.] Yes. I'm recording today's session.
Kitty: Well, isn't that just something I didn't know.

Suzy Simpson: Michael. We got issued our cop sunglasses. I've been using them to scare the crap out of civilians all day. [to Fez] Drop the records, punk!
Fez: I wasn't stealing them. Yes, I was.
Kelso: Fez, this is Suzy Simpson. She and I are training to be cops.
Fez: Oh, if there's more like you at the Police Academy, that Academy deserves an award.
Suzy Simpson: Academy Award, that's funny. [punches Fez's arm]
Kelso: Yeah, Simpson's wanted to be a cop for, like, forever.
Suzy Simpson: Yeah, it's because of the weapons, mostly. I love things that make a lot of noise. Guns and boys.
Fez: Well, then, load me up, baby, 'cause I'm ready to go bang.
Suzy Simpson: Well, I'd better go. I've gotta stop at the candy store.
Kelso: All right.
Fez: Wait. You like candy?
Suzy Simpson: Yeah. I'm out of Good & Plenty. It says on the box that there's plenty, but...
Both: ...it's never enough. Jinx! One, two, three, four, five, you owe me a Coke! [Suzy exits]
Fez: That is the woman I've been searching for my whole life.
Kelso: Hey, do you want me to see if she likes you?
Fez: Kelso, we've been down that road. Just give me her address, some binoculars, and I'll handle the rest myself.

Jackie: Hey, Steven, point it at me. Good morning, Dallas! I'm Jackie Sunshine with your morning weather! It is going to be sunny today, so you ladies who let yourselves go this winter, stay inside and leave the fellows to us pretty girls.

Kelso: Man, I thought Simpson was different. She's supposed to just be my buddy. Now I'm going to have to sleep with her.
Jackie: No, Michael, no. Set her up with Fez. He's the one who likes her.
Hyde: Yeah, Fez needs something, man. The guy's so desperate, he's been rubbing himself around the couch like a cat.
Jackie: What you need to do is put them together in a romantic situation. Suzy may not like Fez at first, but he won't take "No" for an answer. He's like one freaky, horny little dude.
Hyde: Just ask the couch.

Stuart Sutcliffe: All right, time out, time out! I think I know what the problem is.
Kitty: All right, fine. I drink a little.
Stuart Sutcliffe: What?
Kitty: I have a very difficult job, and I come home at night, and, well...
Eric: Drinks are her nightly reward.
Stuart Sutcliffe: Mrs. Forman, I believe the source of your husband's stress is...
Kitty: Oh, here it comes.
Stuart Sutcliffe: ...your son.
Red: Him?
Eric: Me?
Kitty: It's not me? Oh, boy!

Suzy Simpson: I love this place. The sweet smell of gunpowder, the deafening boom of shotgun blasts... Oops. That kind of talk's more appropriate for the bedroom. I apologize.
Fez: Knock, knock? Who's there? Ivan! Ivan who? Ivan awful lot of candy for the both of us!
Suzy Simpson: Fez?
Fez: Well, if it's not me, then there's some lucky bastard who looks just like me. [chuckles]
Suzy Simpson: Michael, I thought it was just going to be you, me and a box of hot lead!
Kelso: Well, it's even better. It's you, me and a box of hot Fez.
Fez: Kelso, this wasn't part of the deal.
Kelso: What wasn't part of the deal?
Fez: You! So beat it. I want her to smell nothing but me.