Red: What the hell are you doing here?
Eric: Wait. What are you doing here? Oh, my God. Who are you with?
Red: Your mother, you dumbass. Okay. I'm gonna make a deal with you. I never saw you. I don't know you're here.
Eric: Wait. So we're good?
Red: No, no. You're getting your ass kicked on Monday. But for now, you shut up and stay here. If your mother sees you, my fun time is over.

Donna: Oh, this is just awful!
Eric: Oh. No, hey, cheer up. I've been in trouble with Red before. It's okay.
Donna: No, it's not that. It's just seeing your dad reminded me of my dad. Your dad's going away on nice weekends and having fun. And my dad's out of work and sad. Plus, your robe's not completely closed, and that reminds me of him too.
Eric: Okay. Okay, you know what? Let's turn that frown upside-down. That's right. Let's have super-hot sex, baby. [Donna hits Eric] And by super-hot sex, I mean let's talk about your sad feelings.

Kitty: What should we do with all of this time alone? [knock on door]
Red: I'll get that. I ordered you a special surprise. [opens door] Ta-da!
Kitty: Donna? Donna is my surprise?
Red: Donna? What the heck are you doing here, Donna? [chuckles] What the heck?
Donna: Mrs. Forman, Eric is being a jerk, and I wanted to talk to my mom. But since she's not here, can I talk to you?
Red: Eric's here too? What on earth is going on? What the heck?
Kitty: Red, what is going on here?
Red: Oh, I'm just as surprised as you- Oh, all right! Eric and Donna are the noisy people next door.
Kitty: And you didn't tell me?
Donna: [on the phone] Hello, Mommy? I'm sad!

Kitty: Huh. This does taste like Dr. Pepper.
Donna: Told you. Hey, you know what? I think I might puke.
Kitty: Oh, no, no, no. No, no. Honey, nobody gets sick in Mr. And Mrs. Forman's room. [laughs] You know, it is a lovely room. Red just saw the brochure on the counter and then he whisked me up and he brought me here. It was very Humphrey Bogart.
Donna: Eric did the same thing for me. Sometimes he's really sweet.
Kitty: Uh-huh.
Donna: Do you have a bucket? [knock on door]
Man: [o.s.] Room service.
Kitty: Honey. Honey, pretty girls do not throw up.

Jackie: Hey, Michael. I heard what happened with Pam. And I want you to know, that according to Cosmopolitan magazine, you're not a freak.
Kelso: Really?
Jackie: Mm-hmm. They say that, lots of times when it happens to a guy, it's not that he can't, it's just that he secretly doesn't want to.
Kelso: Okay, well, not to criticize but Cosmo's never seen Pam Macy naked.
Jackie: Michael, just think about it. Do you like Pam?
Kelso: Well, I like parts of her.
Jackie: Well, maybe that's not enough. And maybe your body's mature enough to realize that even if your brain isn't.
Kelso: Okay, well, you know, if this is about maturity then I want nothing to do with it.
Jackie: Look, Michael, don't worry, okay? When you find the girl you're meant to be with, you'll be able to do all the stuff you want. I promise.
Kelso: I hope you're right. Thanks, Jackie. [they hug] I'm back.
Jackie: What?
Kelso: Nothing. Good hug!

Bob: I want you to open that door right now. Our daughter's in there, and she's drunk.
Waiter: I really shouldn't be doing this.
Bob: Okay. Then I'll just sue you until you're dead. [he opens the door] You get off my daughter.
Red: [o.s.] Bob. What the hell?
Bob: [o.s.] Red?
Midge: [o.s.] Ooh. Kitty, what a pretty nightgown.
Kitty: [o.s.] Thank you, Midge. Could you hand it to me, please?

[dream sequence:]
Kelso: Well, Genie Jackie, I am in the mood for some hot master-genie loving.
Jackie: Oh, I'm sorry, Master Major Michael. But what we are going to have is a warm master-genie friendship. In fact, I am the master now, and you are the genie. [boing] Except you will not have any genie powers. You will just do as I say. Now, do my math homework, Genie. [boing]
Kelso: No.

Donna: I have to get out of town. Ever since my dad lost the store, he just shuffles around in a not-completely-closed bathrobe. It's really depressing.

Donna: So, anyway, Jackie's, uh, having trouble in school stuff and, uh, I thought I should stay with her this weekend. Ttutor her in, you know, stuff. Anyone?
Midge: I'm sorry, honey. I can't concentrate when your father's robe is open.
Bob: Leave me alone. I'm ventilating.
Donna: Okay. See you Sunday.

Kitty: You know, Red, with the house empty this weekend, it might be a- a nice opportunity for a little romance.
Red: Uh-huh.
Kitty: Is that, "Uh-huh, my passion burns for you" or "Uh-huh, you're as exciting as an old hat"?
Red: Well, what kind of old hat?
Kitty: How about a hat that's about to be super P.O.'d?
Red: Oh. Then the passion one.