‘Reefer Madness’
Season 3, Episode 1 - Aired October 3, 2000
Red is determined to throw Hyde out of the house after he was arrested for possession. Meanwhile, Jackie is certain she and Hyde are in love after he took the fall for her.
Quote from Eric
Red: Has Hyde ever pressured you to use this stuff?
Eric: No. Absolutely not. In fact- Yeah, I can honestly say I have never felt any pressure.
Quote from Eric
Eric: God, this sucks! I can't believe Red's kicking you out. I mean, I'm sorry, where are you supposed to go?
Hyde: I'm gonna go to the Fotohut. I'll sleep on the floor. They got a hose out back. Mrs. Forman made me a sandwich. [Fez hands back the half-eaten sandwich]
Eric: Man, this is so wrong! Look, I'm not gonna let you get kicked out for something we all do.
Kelso: Hey, hey, don't go dragging me into this.
Eric: You know what? I'm gonna tell Red that I do it too.
All: No!
Donna: Have you suddenly become the stupidest man ever? I mean, is Kelso no longer the reigning king?
Kelso: Oh, I'm the king.
Eric: This can work. If I tell Red, then he's gonna be a hypocrite for kicking you out and not making me go with him. Because, I mean, he can't kick me out. Because, deep down, he loves me.
Quote from Jackie
Donna: Okay, what are you writing? "Jackie and Steven Hyde." "Mrs. Jackie Hyde." "Dr. And Mrs. Steven Hyde"? All right, what's going on?
Jackie: Okay. Donna, Steven and I are in love!
Donna: Um, you do know that he once compared you to a tick, right?
Jackie: Oh, really? Well, if he thinks I'm such a tick why'd he tell the cops the bag was his when it was actually mine?
Donna: Are you telling me that bag was yours?
Jackie: Yeah! And he went to jail for it! Isn't that fabulous?
Donna: Oh, my God. You... tick. You're the reason this whole mess happened.
Jackie: Oh, Donna, stop. My head is... whoo!
Donna: Jackie, you have to tell the Formans what happened. Do you know that Red is kicking Hyde out?
Jackie: Oh, God. No, no, Donna. That's perfect! When Hyde is on the streets, he'll have to turn to me. And as I care for him and buy him stuff, his love for me will grow.
Donna: Oh, my God. Fine. I'm telling them.
Jackie: No! No, no, no. You cannot ruin this for me, you moose!
Donna: Don't tell me what to do, midget. [Jackie screams and jumps on Donna]
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: Well, well. Turns out you were all wrong about Steven. And you wanted to kick him out.
Red: Yes, well... Thanks for telling us the truth, Donna.
Kitty: And we know it wasn't easy for you. Especially with Jackie choking you the whole time.
Quote from Eric
Eric: All right, Dad! I've got something to say!
Donna: Eric, for the love of God, don't.
Eric: Dad, I do it too. That's right. So you can't kick Hyde out.
Kitty: Honey, we already decided not to kick Hyde out.
Eric: Oh. Then... yay!
Red: So, you do it too, huh? Since when?
Eric: Since when?
[flashback to adolescent Eric, Hyde and Kelso in a circle as Hyde lights up:]
Young Kelso: [chuckles]
Young Eric: I am so baked. I think. No, yeah, I am. I think.
Young Kelso: You know, guys, I've been living my life all wrong. All I ever thought about was school: studying, reading, homework. Well, that's over. Thanks, Hyde.
Young Hyde: Hey, man, don't thank me. Thank my mom. If she hadn't have passed out, I couldn't have raided her stash.
Young Kelso: You have the best mom ever. [chuckles]
Young Eric: Hey, guys, you know what? Yesterday, I was wrestling with Donna. And I felt her boob. It was beautiful and squishy.
Young Kelso: Squishy. Hey, guys, I had this dream that I was kissing my English teacher. And when I woke up, I was stuck to my bed. [chuckles]
Young Hyde: Kelso, man, that's not normal. You could die. Hey, isn't your English teacher a guy?
Young Kelso: Yeah. No! I meant my Spanish teacher. She's a girl. Man! What's in this stuff?
Young Eric:ric Hey, guys, I'm having the best time ever. I think. No, yeah, I am.
Red: [o.s.] Eric?
[present:]
Red: Eric! Are you on it right now? I asked you a question. Since when have you been using this?
Eric: Uh, 'bout a week ago tomorrow.
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Take it back!
Donna: No, Kelso. I'm sorry. Confessing to Red makes Eric the king.
Kelso: Hey, I shot my toe with a B.B. gun once.
Donna: You're right, Kelso. You're the king.
Kelso: Thank you!
Quote from Jackie
Jackie: All right, excuse me. But I think we've all lost sight of what's really important here. We're in love.
Hyde: All right, all right. You know what? Enough of your girly fantasy crap. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for you. So get this through your little Easy-Bake Oven head... I don't love you. I don't like you. I can barely stand to look at you. Okay?
Jackie: Oh, Steven, you're such a bad liar!
Quote from Eric
[flashback to adolescent Eric, Hyde and Kelso in a circle:]
Young Eric: Hey, guys, look what I found in my sister Laurie's drawer. Mints. A whole month's worth.
Young Kelso: They're not minty.
Young Hyde: They're not mints. They're birth control pills, you headgear-wearing moron.
Young Kelso: Hey, when I grow up, I'm gonna be handsome.
Young Hyde: Really? Did your Mommy tell you that?
Young Kelso: Yeah.
Young Eric: Kelso, you're the king.
Quote from Hyde
Jackie: Guess who?
Hyde: It's either Jackie or the cold, clammy hands of death.
Jackie: It's Jackie!
Hyde: [sighs] Damn it.
Jackie: Oh, Steven, my hero. When that cop found my bag, and you said it was yours, and they sent you to the big house it was, like, the most romantic thing ever.
Hyde: Yeah, maybe for you. I was deloused.
Quote from Red
Kitty: Well, as you all know, we had a little incident yesterday. And I think that as a family, we should discuss rational solutions to make sure that this never happens again.
Laurie: Can I start? Um, I'm not comfortable living with a criminal. I think we should kick Hyde out. All in favor?
Kitty: Laurie, stop it. Red, what do you think?
Laurie: Kick him out! Kick him out! Kick him out! Kick him out!
Kitty: Laurie, there is no way we're kicking Steven out.
Red: Steven, we're kicking you out.
Laurie: Yay, Daddy!
Kitty: Red!
Eric: What? Dad, that's not fair.
Red: Not fair? I took him in. I gave him a shot. He blew it. It's his fault. Look, I don't want it in my house. I don't want it around you two. I just don't want it!
Kitty: Red, putting him out on the street is not the solution. This young man needs our guidance now more than ever.
Hyde: No, Mrs. Forman. It's cool. If, uh, Red thinks that I'm not good enough to live in this house then I guess I'm not.
Eric: You know what? You're- You're bull- I- I'm- You're very- I'm- I'm very mad at you!