Kitty: Okay, here. Now maybe this cheese toast will make your birthday happy.
Red: No, Kitty, I think I've lost my appetite. [the waiter serves them] God, that is a great-lookin' T-bone. Is there butter on this?
Ted: Hoo-hah.
Red: Right. Now, I'm gonna eat this steak, but first I'm gonna make a birthday wish. Here it is. I wish... Everyone would shut up.

Eric: Something wrong?
Donna: No.
Eric: So, is there anything on your mind? Something you might want to, you know, talk to your...
Donna: No. [kisses Eric]
Eric: [inner monologue] Don't take no for an answer. She talked to Hyde, get her to talk to you. Get her... On, my God, that can't be her tongue, can it? How is she doing that? So soft, so... Wait! Focus! Talk! [out loud] So, uh, nothing on your mind? Nothing... That's a pretty little shirt. [Donna kisses Eric again] [inner monologue] Holy God, she's sucking my tongue. She is sucking my tongue. Oh, my God, even her spit is sweet. It's like liquid Jolly Rancher. There's something wrong with me. No, there's not, I'm 17. Wait! [out loud] So, nothing... Uh, to confide in me? Eric. Your boyfriend.
Donna: Well, okay, here's something. I love making out with you. [kisses Eric]
Eric: [inner monologue] There. So we talked. Yeah, that was nice.

Carol: Horses are beautiful. And they're very smart. They can count, you know.
Kitty: Oh, honey, honey, you... You just... You just gotta shut up.
Ted: Speaking of, has anyone read Equus? I gave a copy to Midge, but, no offense, sweetie... It may be a little too deep for her.
Midge: Wait a minute. What do you mean, "No offense?"
Ted: Well, I mean, don't be offended.
Midge: Oh.
Bob: Listen, you insult my wife one more time, you're gonna be wearing your steak as a hat.
Ted: Hey, I... I'm sorry.
Midge: Oh, Bob, that was so sweet. Like in high school, when you used to hit people just for looking at me. Remember?
Bob: Of course I remember. I still have the scar from Joe Abbruzzi's dental plate.
Midge: [kisses Bob's hand] You big bear.
Bob: [growl] I, uh, left my wallet in the car, Midge.
Midge: I left my... sex with Bob in the car. Bye!
Red: Check, please! Ah. [hands check to Ted] There you go, that's for you. Come on, Kitty.

Kitty: Well, you know... Your birthday's not over for another two hours.
Red: Oh, Kitty. We have no ceiling on our bedroom. What if a plane flew over?
Kitty: [laughs] Okay. Well, the kids are out. There's a big comfy couch in the living room.
Red: You know what I love about you?
Kitty: What?
Red: Lots of stuff. Come on. I'll, uh... race you.

Hyde: Hey, Red, Mrs. Forman. How was your night?
Red: What the hell are you doing in my living room?
Kelso: Watching Star Trek. In color. [chuckles] See, that guy? He's one side black and one side white. And the other guy is one side white and one side black. In color!
Red: This house is always littered with kids. It's like we're Mormons.
Kitty: Okay, come on. Follow me, sailor. [Kitty and Red exit]
Fez: Red needs to control his anger.
Red: [returns] I heard that!

Kitty: Oh, I know! Let's go to the basement.
Red: Oh, Kitty. I just want this day to be over.
Kitty: No. This day is not over. I wanted you to have a nice birthday. You know, sometimes birthdays are not just about you. They are about the people around you who want you to have a nice birthday. So, it's about me. Now get downstairs and get those pants off, mister! Okay, move it!

Jackie: Say it.
Kelso: I do not keep secrets from you.
Jackie: Again.
Kelso: I do not keep secrets from you.
Jackie: Again.
Kelso: I do not keep secrets...
Fez: Ay! Shut up! I am going insane. Kelso, if you want to possess a woman, this is what you need to do. [takes Jackie's hand] I, as a mortal, am not worthy of your love. You are a goddess and I worship you. And I dedicate every moment of my waking life to your joy.
Kelso: [takes Jackie's hand] Okay, what he said.
Jackie: Oh, Michael. [they kiss]
[Fez puts on the helmet and starts banging his head against the coffee table]

Donna: This sucks.
Hyde: Well, you wanna talk about it?
Donna: No. You know, they want to date other people.
Hyde: Your mom's dating?
Donna: Mmm-hmm.
Hyde: So where am I? Do I have a shot?
Donna: Oh, could you please date my mom? That would make my life so much better, Hyde.
Hyde: Hey, call me Dad.

Kitty: Okay, now I want your father to enjoy this birthday, so we're all going to try our best to make it good. [Laurie enters] Except for Laurie, who's going to stumble in smelling like cigarettes and beer.
Laurie: Hey, at least I'm here.
Kitty: Well, you better be here with a present. I gave you $20 yesterday.
Laurie: God, relax.
Kitty: Oh, you can it, Laurie.
Eric: Yeah, can it, Laurie.
Kitty: Can it, Eric.
Laurie: Yeah, can it, Eric.
Kitty: I thought I told you to can it.
Eric: Tell her to can it.
Hyde: Why don't you both can it?
Eric & Laurie: Can it!

Kitty: Oh, look, it's the birthday boy.
Laurie: Daddy!
Kitty: Come on in, birthday boy. Open your presents.
Eric: I wonder what's in the big one?
Red: Is it a Corvette? [unwraps gift] No, it's, uh, 2x4s.
Eric: For the roof.
Red: Oh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me.
Hyde: Here you go, Red. This will help you forget. Happy birthday, man.