Red: We don't think that you should go.
Kitty: New York is a dangerous place.
Red: A young man today needs a high school diploma.
Kitty: In New York, you get mugged for no good reason.
Red: Do you have any idea what the job market is like?
Kitty: The people are rude. And you have feelings.
Red: Without that sheepskin, you are nothing. And not the kind of nothing that you are now. An even lower, more pathetic nothing.
Kitty: They spit. That's right, they spit!
Red: What are you gonna put on your resume? "Dumbass"?
Hyde: I'm not afraid of anything, and I'm going.
Red: Well, that didn't go that great. Way to go, Kitty.

Red: Hey, bring these guys a beer.
Eric: No, Dad, I'm supposed to take you home. Mom said so.
Red: Normally, you do what your mother says. Sometimes, you know... You're a dumbass. But mostly, you're a good kid.
Eric: Thank you, sir.
Red: But this is my last day of work... And I didn't get a party. I didn't get a gold watch. And I didn't get crap. So... Let's drink!

Hyde: [inner monologue] Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me.
Jackie: [inner monologue] Please look at me. Hey! Psst. I love you, Steven. I have secret love powers. Look at me!
Donna: [inner monologue] Hmm. I have 29 teeth. No, that can't be right. One, two, three-
Fez: [inner monologue] Jackie's in love with Hyde, and I have nothing. Oh, look. I found an M&M. [eats] Oh, no.
Eric: [inner monologue] My life sucks. Okay, I really hope no one smelled that.
Kelso: [inner monologue] All right! I'm the best-looking person in this room. No. In this whole town. No! No, in this whole state. No.
Red: [inner monologue] Dumbasses.

Kitty: Oh, my gosh, that is a snazzy jacket.
Red: Damn good thing I went with him. He wanted to buy a leisure suit.
Eric: Oh, come on, Dad. Leisure suits are cool. Everybody wears them.
Red: Leisure suits are for dumbasses. Believe me.
Bob: [enters in a leisure suit] Hey, there, Eric. Ooh, looking sharp for your big date?

Kitty: Oh, I cannot believe you kids trying to sneak off with my good gin.
Kelso: Yeah, I should have known. She can smell booze from a mile away.
Kitty: Excuse me?
Kelso: Oh, I said, you smell like booze from a mile away.
Red: That's worse, dumbass.

Hyde: Hey, Red, tell me the story about how Eric and Donna had to stand up in front of the whole church and pretend to be virgins.
Red: Once upon a time, two dumbasses went to church... and brought shame upon their entire family. And their father had to hear about it the whole damn car ride home!
Hyde: That is a great story. It's scary, but it's funny, too.

Stuart Sutcliffe: Look, there's one last exercise I want to try. Role-playing. All right, go. All right. Now, you're going to be Eric. Eric, you're going to be your father. Mr. Forman, you can start.
Red: Well... [gestures with hands] I'm just a skinny, smart-mouthed kid who always has something to say about everything.
Eric: And I wish I was an octopus so I could put eight feet in eight different asses! [cackles]
Red: Star Wars, Star Wars, Star Wars!
Eric: Dead commies, dead commies, dead commies!

Red: You know what, Donna? You're right. You are Eric are perfect for each other.
Donna: Really?
Red: Yes! You're as big a dumbass as he is!
Kitty: [laughs nervously] Welcome to the family.

Eric: Hey. There's my favorite coed. Hey, are you all packed for Visitors Weekend?
Donna: I can't go. My dad's making me visit Marquette instead. He thinks it's a better school, 'cause it's private. Oh, and 'cause it sounds French.
Eric: Well, you know what? We'll just go with you. I mean, if it's a better school then I belong there too, right, Dad?
Red: No. State schools are cheap. That's where you belong.
Eric: Well, what if, like, you took out a second mortgage on the house? [Red and Hyde laugh]
Red: Not for you, dumbass.

Eric: Oh, my God. Donna does gum up the works.
Red: See? Now use what little brains you've got and hit the books, dumbass.