Red: Hold it, you two. Now, before we hit the road, we need to have a talk about that horrible thing that's taken over your mother.
Eric: You mean, her "change of life"?
Hyde: Thought we were calling it "the lady-parts problem."
Red: It goes by many names. Now, we're dealing with a tricky enemy here. I haven't been this frosty since Korea. And just like a commie, it can jump out and attack you at any moment.
Kitty: [o.s.] Red, honey.
Hyde: Incoming!
Eric: Retreat!

Kelso: Hey. Wait up.
Red: What do you want?
Kelso: The explanation's pinned to my lapel.
Red: "Dear Red. Mr. Kelso and I are unable to take Michael to U.W. Here's $30 so he can go with you." Where's the 30 bucks?
Kelso: Oh, I bought this "electronical" football game.
Red: I swear to God, Kelso! You make Eric look like Einstein.
Eric: Thank you, Daddy.
Kelso: "Thank you"? Einstein was ugly.

Eric: Hey. There's my favorite coed. Hey, are you all packed for Visitors Weekend?
Donna: I can't go. My dad's making me visit Marquette instead. He thinks it's a better school, 'cause it's private. Oh, and 'cause it sounds French.
Eric: Well, you know what? We'll just go with you. I mean, if it's a better school then I belong there too, right, Dad?
Red: No. State schools are cheap. That's where you belong.
Eric: Well, what if, like, you took out a second mortgage on the house? [Red and Hyde laugh]
Red: Not for you, dumbass.