Red: Have you been in bed all day?
Eric: Yeah, I have. I've been reading the Jack Kerouac classic On The Road. See, as I see it, why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?
Red: You have got to be the laziest non-communist I've ever met. And you are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called On The Road To In Your Ass.

Kelso: Oh, Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
Red: Sure and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
Hyde: And that, my friends, is the last "foot-in-ass" of the decade. Cheers.
Kitty: Michael, it is so good to see you. The girls in the emergency room were just asking about you.
Kelso: You know, it's like I've been gone for so long, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
Kitty: Oh! [giggles]
Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
Hyde: Look at that. He had one more in him.

Eric: Guys, check this out. It looks just like when we were kids. And look, the wise-men gifts: gold, myrrh, and- [sniffs] Hyde, I think this one's yours.
Hyde: That'd be my baggie of frankincense.

[As Red sneaks back into the house draped in Christmas decorations, he screams as he turns around and sees Kitty]
Kitty: Red, are you stealing Bob's Christmas decorations?
Red: It's only stealing if you, uh... if you keep it. I'm throwing all this crap away.
Kitty: Oh, my God. I'm married to the Grinch. I'm Mrs. Grinch.
Red: Well, as long as you're not Mrs. Tattletale, we'll be fine.

Kelso: Uh, Eric, I don't want to play Joseph as a carpenter. Oh, how about if I play him as a spaceman?
Eric: Okay, uh, Kelso, I don't think Jesus was the son of a spaceman.
Kelso: Oh, really? Well, where do you think God lives?
Leo: It's true, man. [points to the heavens]