Fez: So you're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say, "Trick or treat," they'll give me a free piece of candy?
All: Yes!
Fez: Oh, I don't believe you.
[cut to:]
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch?

Fez: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to Caroline and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion." You got that? Like a stallion?
Jackie: Fez, stop ordering stuff.
Fez: Okay, you need to chill out, little girl. Didn't you hear Kelso? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.
Jackie: It's not free, Fez. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.
Fez: So it's stealing? This isn't going to help me with Caroline, is it? Excuse me.
[After Fez whispers to Donna, she whispers to Eric, who gives Kelso a "wet willy"]
Kelso: Hey!
Fez: That's from me, you son of a bitch.

Fez: A toast to all my good friends. I will miss you when I blow out of this burg with the beautiful Big Rhonda. [scattered applause] Now it's off to "Missis-syphilis".

Fez: I know I just met her, Mr. Red but I love her. She is sturdy. I want to climb her.
Red: You're just desperate to give it away, aren't you, son?
Fez: ... Yes. Yes, I am.
Red: Look. [clears throat] There are two things that you need to learn about women.
Fez: Oh, finally, the sex talk! [chuckles]
Red: First, if a woman outweighs you by 30 pounds you're in for trouble.
Fez: But I'll put on weight. I'll bridge the gap.
Red: Which brings me to my second point. When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. [chuckles] But if you mix 'em, they can turn you into a dumbass.

Jackie: Michael.
Kelso: Jackie. I thought you were at the party.
Jackie: No, no, no. It was awful. Do you know what it's like to be the prettiest girl at a party and not have anyone acknowledge it?
Kelso: Yes, I do.