Fez: I know I just met her, Mr. Red but I love her. She is sturdy. I want to climb her.
Red: You're just desperate to give it away, aren't you, son?
Fez: ... Yes. Yes, I am.
Red: Look. [clears throat] There are two things that you need to learn about women.
Fez: Oh, finally, the sex talk! [chuckles]
Red: First, if a woman outweighs you by 30 pounds you're in for trouble.
Fez: But I'll put on weight. I'll bridge the gap.
Red: Which brings me to my second point. When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. [chuckles] But if you mix 'em, they can turn you into a dumbass.

Jackie: Michael.
Kelso: Jackie. I thought you were at the party.
Jackie: No, no, no. It was awful. Do you know what it's like to be the prettiest girl at a party and not have anyone acknowledge it?
Kelso: Yes, I do.

Fez: Rhonda, I cannot go to Mississippi.
Rhonda: So, you're not coming?
Fez: I'm sorry. But maybe we can go to the movies sometime.
Rhonda: And make out in the theater? Yeah! Call me. [kisses Fez and leaves]
Donna: Good God. Sober up, man.
Fez: Oh, screw it, Donna. Fez likes them big. Fez likes them small. Fez likes them all.