Fez Quote #172
Kitty: Oh, Red is gonna be furious.
Fez: Mrs. Forman, may I tell you a little story about oppression?
Fez: Once I had an ant farm. And they would not build their tunnels. I was furious, so I became very strict and stern with my ants. First they feared me, and everything was fine but eventually the ants broke out and attacked me. So I had to kill them.
Kitty: So, um, you think we're being too hard on the kids?
Fez: Well, I don't know about that. I just wanted to let you know that I'm really sad because my ants are dead.
Kitty: Okay. Well, Fez, thanks. [kisses Fez on the forehead] You're a good boy.
Fez: All the ladies want a piece of Fez.
Quote from Kitty
Red: Oh, shut up. That's it. I have had it. You know what this means? More discipline.
Kitty: No. No.
Red: Oh, yes. Playtime is over.
Kitty: Oh, stop saying that. Your cracking down is not working.
Eric: Hell, I could've told him that a week ago.
Kitty: Now is not the time to be a porky mouth.
Quote from Red
Kitty: So, how's it going?
Red: Real good. The foreign kid just ate something off the floor.
Kitty: Okay, well, um- Your father's gonna drive me to work.
Red: That's right. And if you do anything wrong, I'll know because one of you is a snitch. You just think about that while I'm gone.
Kitty: Well, they're not gonna do anything wrong because I brought a box of activities to occupy their time. [laughs] So, um, be good and have fun. Do crafts, not drugs! [both exit]
Fez: Ooh, a model airplane and glue.
[Red returns and takes the glue away from Fez]
Quote from Red
Hyde: [inner monologue] Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me. Stop looking at me.
Jackie: [inner monologue] Please look at me. Hey! Psst. I love you, Steven. I have secret love powers. Look at me!
Donna: [inner monologue] Hmm. I have 29 teeth. No, that can't be right. One, two, three-
Fez: [inner monologue] Jackie's in love with Hyde, and I have nothing. Oh, look. I found an M&M. [eats] Oh, no.
Eric: [inner monologue] My life sucks. Okay, I really hope no one smelled that.
Kelso: [inner monologue] All right! I'm the best-looking person in this room. No. In this whole town. No! No, in this whole state. No.
Red: [inner monologue] Dumbasses.
Quote from Going Mobile
Hyde: So, let's just do rock, paper, scissors, see who the best man is, all right?
Fez: No, no, no, no. I hate that game. I always lose.
Hyde: 'Cause you always pick rock.
Fez: That's because nothing beats rock.
Hyde: Paper beats rock. Those are the rules.
Fez: Eh, not buying it.
Hyde: Fine. We'll play a new game. How about cockroach, foot, nuclear bomb? Foot squashes cockroach. Nuclear bomb... Pow! ...blows up foot. And cockroach survives nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, that's great. I'll be nuclear bomb. Nothing beats nuclear bomb.
Hyde: I just told you, cockroach beats nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, we'll see about that.
Quote from A Legal Matter
Red: Okay, I think that we've been reviewing long enough. Let's see what you've learnt. I'll start you off with an easy one. Where do you live?
Red: It's pronounced America.
Fez: That's what I said, Amedica.
Quote from Going Mobile
Hyde: Ready? One, two, three. Cockroach beats nuclear bomb. That is 38 wins in a row. I think it's safe to say that I'm the best man.
Fez: No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I just noticed something. Cockroach always wins. One more time, for all the marbles.
Hyde: Fine. One, two, three. [Hyde plays foot and Fez plays cockroach]
Fez: Foot, I forgot about foot. So foot always wins. One more time. Winner, best man, period.
Hyde: One, two, three.
Fez: Bomb! Nuclear bomb beats foot. It's like everything in this game loses to something else!
Hyde: Yes, it's exactly like that.
Fez: Wait, except... Aha! I was so blind. Nuclear bomb beats everything. One more time, winner take all.
Hyde: One, two, three. [Hyde plays cockroach and Fez plays nuclear bomb]
Fez: I'm going home.