Red: Kitty, when it's three o'clock on a Saturday afternoon and you're still in bed, I know something is wrong.
Kitty: Oh, Red I'm fine. Why should I care that my sweet baby boy was defiled by some jiggly red-haired tramp?
Red: Kitty.
Kitty: What I can't figure out is how she tricked him into it.
Red: Look, it's not like we didn't know this was coming. You're always showing Eric anatomical diagrams and charts and slides. You've been prepping him since he was six.
Kitty: Are you blaming me?
Red: No, no, heck no. It's my fault. Men are dirty. It's...
Kitty: Well good.
Red: Kitty, I just want you to get out of bed. You know, none of us had lunch and, uh, we're kinda hungry.
Kitty: Well, it's a house full of grown men and I would think that one of you fully grown men would know how to make a damn sandwich!
Red: Well, maybe I should go-
Kitty: I sure as hell would!

Jackie: So the cops caught you doing it? Oh, my God! Oh, my God. That is such a turn on!
Donna: That is not a turn on. You're a little pervert. Jackie, I have a big problem. How am I gonna tell my parents?
Jackie: Okay, if you need to use the bathroom, you should go now. Cause I have a lot to say.
Donna: No, I'm fine, thanks.
Jackie: Okay. You're first mistake was wearing pants for car-sex. When you do it in the car, skirts are your best friend! Zip-zap, bim-bam, you're done, you're dressed, you're back at the mall!
Donna: Jackie, I'm screwed. If I tell my parents, only one of two things could happen. Either they'll be furious, or they'll ask me how it was.

Red: So, Kitty, you think maybe it's time to get up?
Kitty: No.
Red: Okay, you know what? Kitty, you gotta shape up! I can't believe that you're all surprised that your 17-year-old is doing what 17-year-olds do. Big deal! Now get the hell out of bed and buck up! [Kitty sobs] Oh, jeez. Honey, I'm sorry!
Kitty: Get out! [Red runs out]