Kitty: You know... I wish I had a toupee. You know, because, you know, the way my hair is sometimes.
Red: Look, Bob, being bald isn't something that a man has to hide from. A toupee is just silly.
Midge: I keep telling him if he'd grow as much hair on his head as he does on his back, he'd have a full head of hair.

Kitty: No hair?
Red: None. Well, a little.
Kitty: Well, what are we talking about here, Red? Is it like Ed Asner bald or Charlie Brown bald?
Red: Jeez, Kitty, I don't know. I barely looked.
Kitty: Okay, I need a visual aid.
Red: It was so uncomfortable. I mean, a toupee's a pretty big lie, Kitty.
Kitty: Okay, here. Show me on Wooly Willy. Uh-huh. Okay, uh-huh. Really?

Jackie: Donna, I'm gonna have dinner parties all the time when I'm Mrs. Michael Kelso Esquire. Just think about it.
Donna: Do I have to?
Jackie: Oh, shh.
[fantasy: Kelso is at the piano as Jackie and friends are all smartly-dressed in her parents' reception room:]
Kelso: [sings] So they sprinkled moondust In your hair And golden starlight In your eyes of blue
Jackie: They're brown.
Kelso: I know. [laughs]
Eric: [laughs] Oh, Kelso, you little so and so. I'd nary a notion of your songbird ways, having thought you merely a captain of industry and a king among men.
Kelso: My word. Cease your fawning and let us discuss the fox hunt. But first, I crave a French pastry. Where's the help?
Fez: [enters] [British accent] Apologies, good sire. I was in the stables brushing the horses, secretly entertaining notions of a sensual tryst with a lady. [all laugh]
Eric: Top drawer! Top drawer.
[reality:]
Jackie: [laughs] "Top drawer."