Kelso Quote #358
Kelso: Who's the most handsome man on earth?
Electronic Voice: U-R.
Jackie: [enters] Michael, I've thought about your modeling job, and I came to a decision. I can't let you take your pants off in public.
Kelso: But I take my pants off in public all the time. You never said anything before.
Jackie: Because before you weren't doing it for your glamorous new career. You were doing it for the love of being pantsless. So, now promise me you won't do it. [Kelso whimpers] Michael?
Kelso: Fine. I "plomise."
Jackie: I heard that. You said, "I plomise." There is no "L" in promise. Michael, promise me with an "R."
Kelso: [whimpers] Fine! I promise.
Jackie: Okay, you promise to what?
Kelso: I promise I won't model my "undelwear."
Kelso: Oh, fine!
Quote from Red
Red: Oh, no.
Leo: Yup, it's me. Hey, is my lady around?
Red: Leo, buddy, we gotta talk. You're getting me in a lot of trouble around here. Now, I'm begging you-
Kitty: [o.s.] Who is it, Red?
Red: Listen, hophead! I love that woman with a fiery passion that consumes my soul! That's right! So you can either walk out of here on your own or you can hop outta here with my boot in your ass!
Leo: Okay, I choose the one with nothing in my ass.
Red: Good choice!
Quote from Red
Kitty: Well, Red that was a pretty good show you put on there. You poured it on with a "fiery passion that consumed your soul."
Red: Hey, if you think I'm putting on a show to get out of the doghouse, you're way off base. If I wanted to get out of trouble, I'd just tell you how pretty you look. Which I've been meaning to tell you. You do.
Kitty: Oh, stow it.
Red: Oh, fine. But, Kitty, you gotta understand. If I got mad at every guy that looked at you, I'd drive myself crazy. I don't even wanna think about all those patients down at the hospital making googly eyes at you.
Kitty: Not to mention the doctors.
Red: [sighs] Don't get me started on those perverts! They think the nursing staff is their own personal dating service. Glorified plumbers!
Kitty: Okay. All right, Red. You're getting very upset. In fact, you look downright miserable. That makes me so happy.
Quote from Immigrant Song
Hyde: Way to go. If you hadn't fallen off the water tower, we could've helped him out.
[After Hyde punches Kelso in the arm, Kelso groans as he uses his sprained hand to hit Hyde back.]
Hyde: They should've x-rayed your head at the hospital.
Kelso: They did. And for your information, they found nothing.
Quote from Misty Mountain Hop
Kitty: Steven, what's in the bag?
Kelso: The Packers winning next year's Super Bowl. That's what's in the bag.
Red: Is that what I think it is?
Kelso: If you mean paprika, yes, sir.
Kitty: Honey- Honey, paprika is red.
Kelso: If you mean green paprika, yes, sir!
Red: Green paprika?!
Kelso: Hyde, what am I looking for here?
Kelso: If you mean oregano, yes, sir!