Red Quote #68
Red: There he is.
Eric: Mr. Johnson, you gave that team of midgets an ass whupping, sir!
Rocky Johnson: You pile drive a little guy and the whole crowd turns on you. When you're standing there, wondering what they're booing about you get bit on the kneecaps. Look at my knees. Midget bites.
Red: I wonder if you'd mind giving my son an autograph.
Manager: No. No autographs.
Red: Look, pal, I might be the only guy in here who's actually killed a man.
Manager: Give the kid an autograph. And then, no more autographs.
Rocky Johnson: That's really nice. Bringing your kid to a wrestling match. You know, I've got a son. And one day, he's gonna become the most electrifying man in sports entertainment.
Red: Yeah, well, good luck with that. Uh, wanna make that out to Red Forman?
Eric: No, no. I don't think so. It's Eric Forman. Capital E-R-I-C.
Red: Yeah, but see, his nickname is Red.
Eric: No, it's not, it's Eric.
Red: Stop kidding around, Red!
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: You know what's interesting?
Kitty: When you talk to Laurie, you actually have a conversation, but with Eric, you just give orders.
Red: Kitty, he said no to me.
Kitty: Well, he's getting older, Red. I think it's time you two developed a friendship, 'cause if you don't, he'll move away and we'll never see him again. Is that what you want? [Red keeps reading his newspaper] Red.
Red: I can't be friends with Eric. He's too twitchy.
Kitty: Well, Red, until I see you make some kind of effort I'm just gonna keep bringing it up.
Red: Threats aren't gonna work, Kitty.
Kitty: In the middle of every newspaper you're reading, every nap you're taking, every football game you're watching, I'll be there talking, talking, talking, talking.
Quote from Red
Red: Did you take those books back to the library like I asked you?
Eric: Yeah. I took them back.
Red: Well, then why did I see them in the backseat of your car?
Eric: I took them back... to the car. Which means that they're practically at the library.
Laurie: You know, Dad, I feel sorry for all the good kids who wanted to read those books. That's who I feel sorry for.
Eric: Okay, it's five books. A nickel a book. Big deal, I'm out a quarter.
Red: It's not about the money, son. It's about the rules. And without rules, we might as well all be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
Quote from Bob
Midge: Bob, I'm thinking of starting therapy.
Donna: Okay, I'm gonna be- Bye.
Bob: Therapy? That's for crazies.
Midge: You know, the unexamined self is an unfulfilled self.
Bob: How can you be unfulfilled? I put a roof over your head, I pay the bills, I take care of you.
Midge: Yeah, but what do I do?
Bob: You fill out that sweater real nice.
Midge: You are so... Ugh!
Bob: What? That's a compliment.
Quote from Till the Next Goodbye
Red: I can't believe that is what you idiots have been doing in my basement all these years!
[The background behind Red and Kitty sways as Eric stares at them]
Red: I wish I had 2,000 feet so I could put 500 of them in each of your asses!
Quote from No Quarter
Red: You know, it occurs to me that since I paid the allowance that bought those records in the first place, that money's mine.
Eric: Well, it occurs to me that possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Red: Keep up with the smart mouth, and my foot will be 9/10ths of the way up your ass.
Hyde: You know, Forman, you should write a book: Things My Father Threatened To Put In My Ass. "Chapter One: His Foot." I'd buy that.
Quote from That '70s Finale
Kelso: Oh, Mr. Forman, can I light this off in your house?
Red: Sure and then I'll light my foot off in your ass.
Hyde: And that, my friends, is the last "foot-in-ass" of the decade. Cheers.
Kitty: Michael, it is so good to see you. The girls in the emergency room were just asking about you.
Kelso: You know, it's like I've been gone for so long, I almost forgot you're a hot mom.
Kitty: Oh! [giggles]
Red: You know what else is hot? My foot when it's in your ass.
Hyde: Look at that. He had one more in him.