Kitty: You know what's interesting?
Red: No.
Kitty: When you talk to Laurie, you actually have a conversation, but with Eric, you just give orders.
Red: Kitty, he said no to me.
Kitty: Well, he's getting older, Red. I think it's time you two developed a friendship, 'cause if you don't, he'll move away and we'll never see him again. Is that what you want? [Red keeps reading his newspaper] Red.
Red: I can't be friends with Eric. He's too twitchy.
Kitty: Well, Red, until I see you make some kind of effort I'm just gonna keep bringing it up.
Red: Threats aren't gonna work, Kitty.
Kitty: In the middle of every newspaper you're reading, every nap you're taking, every football game you're watching, I'll be there talking, talking, talking, talking.

Red: Did you take those books back to the library like I asked you?
Eric: Yeah. I took them back.
Red: Well, then why did I see them in the backseat of your car?
Eric: I took them back... to the car. Which means that they're practically at the library.
Laurie: You know, Dad, I feel sorry for all the good kids who wanted to read those books. That's who I feel sorry for.
Eric: Okay, it's five books. A nickel a book. Big deal, I'm out a quarter.
Red: It's not about the money, son. It's about the rules. And without rules, we might as well all be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.

Midge: Bob, I'm thinking of starting therapy.
Donna: Okay, I'm gonna be- Bye.
Bob: Therapy? That's for crazies.
Midge: You know, the unexamined self is an unfulfilled self.
Bob: How can you be unfulfilled? I put a roof over your head, I pay the bills, I take care of you.
Midge: Yeah, but what do I do?
Bob: You fill out that sweater real nice.
Midge: You are so... Ugh!
Bob: What? That's a compliment.