Red: So, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high school dumbass with no car, no job and no money trims the hedges.
Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
Donna: An octo-burn. Let's get the hell out of here.

Red: You think my problem is my own son? My son is a fine young man.
Eric: Wow, Dad, you don't have...
Red: Shut up, dumbass. You know less about my family than you do about football! Which isn't saying much, since you dropped every pass that came near you! And let me tell you something else. When a real Packer hurts his leg, he stuffs his kneecap back in and keeps on running!
Eric: That's what this little mushroom would have done.

Kitty: Fez, honey, what are you- Did you come for cake?
Fez: No, I... Do you have cake? No, no, no. I came- I came here because I have this... friend.
Kitty: Oh, really? What's his name?
Fez: Name? Uh... Johnny... [looks at table] Table.
Kitty: And what's Johnny Table's problem?
Fez: Well, he and his girlfriend are about to do something very special for the first time.
Kitty: You mean, they're going to engage in...
Fez: Putt-putt. They are going... They're going to putt-putt. And- And- And she has putted around quite a bit. But- But he is a virgin, uh, putter. A- a virgin putter. He has never putted.
Kitty: I see.
Fez: And my friend, uh... Ay.
Kitty: Johnny Table?
Fez: Yes. Um, he cannot talk to Eric or Kelso or Hyde because they make fun of me... him... Johnny... [Kitty points to table] Table. So he's coming to you.
Kitty: Well, honey, you tell Johnny Table to be respectful and wear a condom.
Fez: Thank you, Mrs. Forman. That's good advice. So, um, may I have my piece of cake now? And one for Johnny Table.

Eric: What about her?
Leo: Hey, I know her, man. She's not all there, if you know what I mean.
Hyde: She's a space case, huh?
Leo: No, she's missing a toe.

Bob: Hey, Red, get this. A while back, I'm in my car crying 'cause Midgie was gone, and I kept having to reach into the glove box for tissues.
Kitty: Oh, that's dangerous. One time I had to blow my nose. Nearly hit that cockeyed girl down the street. I could've sworn she was lookin' right at me.
Bob: So I attached a box of tissues to the sun visor, sold the idea for a bundle, and voila. The Weeper Keeper was born.
Red: Oh, God. Are you rich again?
Bob: Yep. [chuckles] I'm back to my I-can-buy-anything-I-want former self. Just picked up two sombreros and a case of Lik-M-Aid.
Kitty: Where are you gonna wear a sombrero, Bob?
Bob: Where won't I wear it?