Kitty: Oh, honey. Were your father and I having intercourse?
Eric: Mom.
Kitty: Well, no wonder you've been acting so weird. Red, say something. Make him feel better.
Red: Um... It's more fun than it looks.
Kitty: Red.
Red: What? What do you want me to say?
Eric: Look, you know what? Um... You guys do it. And I'm okay with that. So thanks.
Red: Sure thing. I just hope you learned your lesson.
Eric: Oh, yes, sir. I did. Wait a second. What lesson?
Red: Always knock.
Eric: Oh.
Kitty: Oh, oh. Even in the middle of the afternoon.
Eric: Oh, my God.

Laurie: Eric, I am so sorry. But you have to understand. Mom and Dad are in love. They have urges and needs just like us.
Eric: No urges. No needs.
Laurie: I learned in psychology class that what you went through is traumatic. But don't worry. Many people have had this same experience.
Eric: Really? And they turned out all right?
Laurie: Well, some of them turned out to be serial killers. But I'm sure that's just a coincidence. But whatever.
Eric: You know what the sad thing is? I actually think you're trying to be nice.
Laurie: Yeah. It's just not my strong suit. Sorry.
Eric: So, I'll be all right?
Laurie: No.

Kitty: Eric. Your father and I have noticed that you've been acting very strange lately.
Red: Like a hippie.
Kitty: Is there something you want to tell us?
Red: Are you on dope? Are you?
Kitty: Because- Because we can help you get clean. There's counseling, hospitalization-
Red: My foot kicking your ass.