Red Quote #561
Quote from Red in Baby Don't You Do It
Hyde: Hey, Red, tell me the story about how Eric and Donna had to stand up in front of the whole church and pretend to be virgins.
Red: Once upon a time, two dumbasses went to church... and brought shame upon their entire family. And their father had to hear about it the whole damn car ride home!
Hyde: That is a great story. It's scary, but it's funny, too.
Features in the collection: Red Forman: Dumbass Quotes.
That '70s Show Quotes
‘Red Forman: Dumbass Quotes’
Quote from Red in The Battle of Evermore
Red: So, I guess this is the way an immature, engaged, high school dumbass with no car, no job and no money trims the hedges.
Hyde: That was like eight burns in one sentence.
Donna: An octo-burn. Let's get the hell out of here.
Quote from Red in Sally Simpson
Red: You think my problem is my own son? My son is a fine young man.
Eric: Wow, Dad, you don't have...
Red: Shut up, dumbass. You know less about my family than you do about football! Which isn't saying much, since you dropped every pass that came near you! And let me tell you something else. When a real Packer hurts his leg, he stuffs his kneecap back in and keeps on running!
Eric: That's what this little mushroom would have done.
‘Baby Don't You Do It’ Quotes
Quote from Kelso
Kelso: Okay, fine. I was at the Academy when the auditorium burnt down, but it totally wasn't my fault. See, I got there early to practice with my flare gun 'cause I wanted to show Brooke an actual B for a change.
Fez: Okay, so far, 0% your fault.
Kelso: All right, so I accidentally shot off a flare, and it went all... Like, right underneath the bleachers.
Hyde: Well, we've just jumped up to about 60% your fault.
Kelso: Okay, so then I shot off another flare at the first flare 'cause you know what they say. You've got to fight fire with fire.
Jackie: Yeah, this is now, like, 99% your fault.
Kelso: So then I shot off another flare to warn people about the fire. But that one just went right up and on the roof, and that's when I just got the hell out of there.
Quote from Kitty
Kitty: What I don't understand is how you can lie to a pastor in church.
Donna: Well, Mrs. Forman, what about the time you lied to Pastor Dan? You told him your dog ate your bake sale cookies, but you didn't bake them 'cause you were too busy sipping Kahlua and watching that Paul Newman retrospective.
Kitty: I did not lie to Pastor Dan in church. I lied to him at the market, and at the market, he is just a regular man. Now, you two march back to church and tell him the truth. And for your information, Donna, Kahlua is barely a drink. It's like root beer.
Quote from Fez
Fez: Oh, the cousin kiss. The sexiest of all relative kisses. Right above big-breasted aunt and sleepy grandma.
Hyde: Did you just say, "sleepy grandma"? You telling me you kiss your grandma?
Fez: Not my grandma, a grandma. Sick bastard.