Kelso: You know, I'm gonna take Red's car. I know he's got to hide a key in there somewhere.
Red: Are you brain-damaged?
Kelso: Fez, did you just say, "Are you brain-damaged?" and sound exactly like Red?
Fez: Kelso, you know I only do Johnny Carson and Pepe Le Pew.
Red: Get away from my car.
Kelso: Your car, my car. Aren't we all just driving the same car? It's a car called "life."
Red: How about I drive my foot into this thing called your ass?
Kelso: A simple "no" would suffice.

Red: I'm throwing them away, Bob. Look, I appreciate the thought. No, well, that's not true. I mean, shoes are a weird gift to give another man. I mean, what's next? A weekend in Cancun?
Bob: Okay, fine. I bought the shoes for myself, but they pinch my toes, so I decided to pawn them off on you as a gift.
Red: You were just trying to screw me over? Well, I can respect that. Thanks for the shoes, Bob. [shakes Bob's hand] See, I have a friend.
Kitty: No, no. This is not the way friends act. He was gonna throw away your present, Bob.
Bob: Come on, Kitty. I gave him shoes. That's weird. I'm surprised you didn't punch me in the face right then.
Red: I almost did. [both laugh]

Red: Shoes are an inappropriate gift to give another man.
Kitty: Well, what about when you joined the service? Another man issued you your boots.
Red: But then he gave me a gun, so I let it go.
Kitty: Well, why don't you just accept the shoes because Bob is your friend?
Red: You don't understand how men work. We don't give each other presents. We pretty much ignore each other until someone scores a touchdown.
Kitty: You should listen to me. I know how to be a friend, and you obviously don't, since you don't have any.
Red: I have plenty of friends. Charlie's a friend. He saved my life during the war.
Kitty: And when is the last time you talked to Charlie?
Red: We said all we needed to say on the boat back home.