Fez Quote #540

Quote from Fez in A Legal Matter

Red: Okay, I think that we've been reviewing long enough. Let's see what you've learnt. I'll start you off with an easy one. Where do you live?
Fez: Amedica.
Red: It's pronounced America.
Fez: That's what I said, Amedica.
Red: America.
Fez: Amedica.

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 ‘A Legal Matter’ Quotes

Quote from Red

Fez: Okay, what if they ask me about current events? Tell me about Vietnam.
Donna: Okay, so Vietnam was an illegal war, which we lost.
Red: What the hell are you teaching him? You come with me. I'll teach you the real American history. First of all, we didn't lose the war. It was a tie. Besides, they're grateful. They have McDonald's now.

Quote from Red

Red: What was President Dwight D. Eisenhower's greatest achievement?
Fez: He led the Allies to victory in World War II and sent those jackbooted Nazi bastards home to cry in their sauerkraut.
Red: I didn't understand a word you said, but I heard "Nazi bastards", and that's good enough for me.

 Fez Quotes

Quote from Going Mobile

Hyde: So, let's just do rock, paper, scissors, see who the best man is, all right?
Fez: No, no, no, no. I hate that game. I always lose.
Hyde: 'Cause you always pick rock.
Fez: That's because nothing beats rock.
Hyde: Paper beats rock. Those are the rules.
Fez: Eh, not buying it.
Hyde: Fine. We'll play a new game. How about cockroach, foot, nuclear bomb? Foot squashes cockroach. Nuclear bomb... Pow! ...blows up foot. And cockroach survives nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, that's great. I'll be nuclear bomb. Nothing beats nuclear bomb.
Hyde: I just told you, cockroach beats nuclear bomb.
Fez: Oh, we'll see about that.

Quote from Going Mobile

Hyde: Ready? One, two, three. Cockroach beats nuclear bomb. That is 38 wins in a row. I think it's safe to say that I'm the best man.
Fez: No, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I just noticed something. Cockroach always wins. One more time, for all the marbles.
Hyde: Fine. One, two, three. [Hyde plays foot and Fez plays cockroach]
Fez: Foot, I forgot about foot. So foot always wins. One more time. Winner, best man, period.
Hyde: One, two, three.
Fez: Bomb! Nuclear bomb beats foot. It's like everything in this game loses to something else!
Hyde: Yes, it's exactly like that.
Fez: Wait, except... Aha! I was so blind. Nuclear bomb beats everything. One more time, winner take all.
Hyde: One, two, three. [Hyde plays cockroach and Fez plays nuclear bomb]
Fez: I'm going home.