Fez: So you're telling me that if I showed up at someone's house and say, "Trick or treat," they'll give me a free piece of candy?
All: Yes!
Fez: Oh, I don't believe you.
[cut to:]
Fez: Trick or treat. An apple? Where's my candy, you son of a bitch?

Fez: Uh, yes, excuse me. Um, would you please send your finest imported beer to Caroline and tell her that when I said "Hi" what I meant was, "I'll take you like a stallion." You got that? Like a stallion?
Jackie: Fez, stop ordering stuff.
Fez: Okay, you need to chill out, little girl. Didn't you hear Kelso? The Vineyard is having a dine-and-dash promotion. Everything is free.
Jackie: It's not free, Fez. "Dine and dash" is when you run out without paying.
Fez: So it's stealing? This isn't going to help me with Caroline, is it? Excuse me.
[After Fez whispers to Donna, she whispers to Eric, who gives Kelso a "wet willy"]
Kelso: Hey!
Fez: That's from me, you son of a bitch.

Red: Okay, get under the sink and loosen that disposal so we can get to the pipes.
Eric: Under there? But it's all spidery.
Red: Get under there or you're gonna get a spider the size of my foot in your ass.

[Red picks up a tool]
Eric: Socket wrench.
[Eric picks up an action figure]
Red: Drives the spaceship. Sits next to the hairy guy.
Eric: Han Solo.
[Red picks up a tool]
Eric: Flathead screwdriver.
[Eric picks up an action figure]
Red: I know this. Guy with the breathing problem.
Eric: "Guy with the breathing problem." This is Darth freaking Vader. Seriously, Dad, if you don't know the Dark Lord of the Sith, the most hated enemy of the Jedi warrior, then I guess somewhere down the line I failed with you.

Hyde: [siren wails] Whoa, it's the Five-O. Better go hide my stash. [off Kitty's look] Comic books. And comic book paraphernalia.