Kitty: A whole pan of lasagna wasted and it's a recession.
Red: Kitty, you don't understand.
Kitty: I understand that you need to start acting like a parent.
Red: But we have different responsibilities as parents. Your job is to tell him that he's cute and to clean his ears. My job is to make him a man, which he's not.
Eric: Dad, I'm- I'm right here.
Red: Shut up, boy. [Eric is quiet] You see how he shuts up? That's not right.
Kitty: I give up.
Eric: Wow, she seems mad.
Red: Ah, she'll burn it off on her Exercycle.

Red: What the hell is this?
Hyde: Eric did it because he hates you.
Eric: Hyde!
Hyde: Forman, every man for himself. [runs away]

Kelso: Thanks for having us over, Mrs. Forman.
Kitty: Oh, don't thank me. It was Red's idea.
Hyde: Wait a minute. Red's coming?
Eric: Uh, yeah. I can't believe you guys showed up.
Kelso: Wait. No. The only reason we showed up was 'cause you said Red was working late tonight.
Eric: Oh, God, you know what? He's in the kitchen. Should I just get him?
Fez: No, you should not get him, you son of a bitch.

Jackie: Okay, Leo. Who's your mystery date?
Leo: All right. The ski instructor. He's hunky.
Donna: You know, Jackie, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually having a good time. [Kelso enters]
Jackie: Wait. Michael, what are you doing here?
Leo: Yeah, man. This is girls' night.
Kelso: Jackie, I just had dinner with Red, and he totally freaked me out. So, first I need you to stick your hand in my Chucks. Then I need you to hang out with me, because I'm really afraid to be alone.
Jackie: No. No, Michael. I am spending time with Donna.
Kelso: Okay, but I was gonna take you to the mall and tell everyone you were a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.
Jackie: Wait, wait. You never want to do that. Okay. Let's go. [both exit]
Donna: Huh. I guess it's just you and me, Leo. [Leo is asleep]

Jackie: Hey, Donna? Wait. Where's Leo?
Donna: Oh, he left. He asked if he could try on my dad's clothes, and I said no, so he left.
Jackie: What? He left? That jerk. What a bad friend.
Donna: [chuckles] Jackie, you left too.
Jackie: [groans] I know, I know. Look, that's why I'm here. [sighs] I was at the mall signing autographs for a bunch of sixth graders. You know, "Go, Cowboys. Love, Jackie." And then I saw this little girl crying 'cause she couldn't find her mom and she reminded me of you, so I felt bad.
Donna: Jackie, that's so sweet. So what happened with the little girl? She find her mom?
Jackie: You know what, I don't know. I left her with the snow-cone guy. Yeah. She smelled like poo. Look, anyways, my point is you know, since you don't have your mom around anymore you need a girl in your life to look after you, and that's gonna be me.
Donna: [chuckles] Unless I smell like poo.
Jackie: Right.

Hyde: So when Kelso gets here, he'll walk by the driveway, which we've iced down with the hose. And he'll see a nudie magazine lying there, which is perfect for Kelso, because he can never resist a boob.
Eric: Well, who among us can?
Hyde: Right. So, he'll sprint towards it, slip on the ice and slide into a giant pile of mud.
Fez: [walks in the sliding door] Get ready. I hear footsteps.
Kelso: [walks in the living room door] What are we looking at?
Eric: Kelso?
Fez: Wait, wait. If you're here, then who is in the driveway? [Kitty screams]
Eric: Oh, crap!

Kitty: Well, the driveway was all icy, and I fell. I think I heard a pop.
Hyde: Mrs. Forman, we are so sorry.
Eric: Mom, are you okay?
Kelso: Okay. Fez, grab her legs. [Kitty yelps as they pick her up]
Red: Get away from her! Eric, you're grounded for a week.
Eric: But this prank was your idea!
Red: Fine. Two weeks! And the rest of you, get the hell out of here. Go on now.