Eric: Wait. So you're not hurt at all?
Kitty: Nope.
Eric: Wow. You out-pranked Dad.
Kitty: No, no, no. It wasn't a prank. It was a lesson. And yes, I did.
Eric: So, you're the best Forman. You're Batman.
Kitty: Now you know.

Eric: You got something in your ear, man.
Kelso: What?
Eric: Oh, my goodness. It's peanut butter.
Hyde: Ha-ha. Peanut butter wet willy. Very clever. But the thing about it is, you don't have to be clever. [puts the peanut butter-covered headphones on Kelso's face]
Kelso: Okay! Okay! This Prank Day is over.

Jackie: If you could be the princess in any country, what country would it be? I pick Monaco. See, I always wanted to wear my crown with a bikini. Donna, you're not listening to me! This is my life here.
Donna: Oh. Sorry. It's just- You know, today would've been my parents' anniversary. But my mom's gone, my dad's with Joanne, and Casey's out of town. So it just kind of sucks.
Jackie: You know what you need? A little Jackie magic. I am gonna dedicate my whole day to you.
Donna: Oh, like you did last month when I had to hold your corn dog and guard the van while you and Kelso did it at the 4-H Fair?
Jackie: Yeah. Wasn't that fun?

Eric: Man, I can't wait to see this big bucket of oatmeal landing on Kelso's big bucket of a head.
Kitty: [enters] Well, good gracious, who's all this oatmeal for?
Hyde: Uh, it's for the oatmeal drive. For the Needy Oatmeal Lovers of America.
Fez: Right, the N.O.L.O.A.
Kitty: Oh, oh, this tastes awful. You know, just because they're hobos doesn't mean they don't respond to herbs and spices.
Eric: You know what? That's a good point, Mom but you better leave, 'cause we don't like to do our charity work in front of other people.
Kitty: Oh, now, don't be silly. I'll help you. Where'd I put my brown sugar?
Fez: Oh, I'm right here, honey buns.

Eric: This is perfect. We are so gonna nail Kelso.
Hyde: I still say we should have shaved his privates. That's a burn that keeps on burning.

Fez: Kelso's on his way.
Eric: Okay, gentlemen. Take your positions.
[Kelso runs down the stairs into the basement]
Kelso: Okay. I'm here. Where's the dead bird?
Eric: Kelso, you're supposed to come in through the side door.
Kelso: What?
Red: [enters] Eric, I need you to take out the- [the bucket of oatmeal is dumped on Red]
Kelso: You guys are so dead.

Jackie: Okay, Donna. It's makeover time. Let's pack those jumbo pores.
Donna: Um, you know what? I've thought about it, and I'm glad my mom left. More food for me.
Jackie: Oh, come on. It'll be fun.
Donna: I doubt it. Unless... [dials phone]
[circle:]
Jackie: You were right, Donna. Now, not only are we beautifying but we're "groovifying." Hey, I just made up a word.
Donna: Yeah. Who ever said you can't do two great things at once? I bet it was a one-armed, pessimistic guy.
Yeah, you just gotta stay positive, man.
Leo: Like, I don't want to learn French, so everyday I think positive thoughts about not learning French. And look at me. I don't know a word of French.
[the camera pans to Jackie's unicorn stuffed animal]

Eric: Dad?
Red: All right. Just tell me. What the hell did you think you were doing?
Eric: Look, Kelso invented this stupid Prank Day thing and he superglued us, so the oatmeal thing was just to, you know, get him back. And that's when my life as I know it ended.
Red: Are you telling me, I got covered with oatmeal because you were trying to get back at Kelso? Which you didn't even do?
Eric: Well, that's a bit of an oversimplification. I think if you look at the facts-
Red: You- The facts are, you were bested by a Kelso. How could you do this to your family?
Eric: I didn't realize the honor of our family was at stake.
Red: It always is. Hell, we've been talking about this since T-ball, which you quit. I mean, what was there to be scared of? The ball just sits there. All right, here's what I'm gonna do. Instead of punishing you, I'm gonna show you how to do this prank business right. Now, get the Three Stooges over to dinner tonight. You are going to help me get them good and scared.
Eric: Oh, well, no, Dad. I don't wanna get Hyde and Fez. They're on my team.
Red: Well, your team lost. So everybody cries.

Kitty: Well, hope you boys like lasagna.
Fez: Oh, boy, lasagna. The Italian burrito.

Eric: Guys, calm down. Look, what could he possibly do to us at dinner?
Red: [enters] Ah, good. All the half-wits are here. I wanted to let you know that I'm going to get you, and you won't know where, and you won't know when. But it will hurt. And you will cry, and I will laugh, and... Did I mention it will hurt? Very good. Now, enjoy the lasagna. I added the special seasoning myself.
Eric: Special seasoning? Uh-oh.
Kelso: All right. Maybe it's because I'm extra clever, but I think that there might be something wrong with the lasagna, and I think maybe Red had somethin' to do with it.
Red: Kelso, I wouldn't do anything to the lasagna. Just like I wouldn't do anything to your new sneakers that are sitting by the kitchen door.
Kelso: My Chucks!
Kitty: Why isn't anybody eating? Is there something wrong with my lasagna?
Hyde: We have reason to believe it's been tampered with.
Kitty: Is this another prank? Because I will not have this in my house. Now eat that lasagna. It's perfectly fine. I said eat it!
Eric: [eats] Mmm. Dad, what is this special seasoning?
Red: Oh, a little of this, a little of that. Which reminds me. Kitty, I cleaned out the dead moths from the porch light. If I could only remember where I put them.