Angie: See? Man, I wanna burn somebody so I can be part of the gang.
Donna: This gang? Angie, the only reason this gang formed was because no one would let us into their gang. We're like the chess club, but better looking and dumber.

Jackie: Anyways, you guys, I have huge news. You know how Point Place cable has that public access channel?
Kelso: Yeah. Donna, didn't your dad do, like, a belly dancing show there?
Donna: He guest-hosted. Shut up.
Jackie: Anyways, I'm gonna have my own show, just like Mary Tyler Moore. Oh, except I won't stop for commercials 'cause no one really wants to take a break from me.
Donna: I don't know. That week you were in Florida, that was a nice, quiet week.

Eric: Man, you want to catch a movie or something?
Kelso: Nah. I gotta go down to the police academy. They're gonna teach me what prisoners feel like. Guys are gonna handcuff me to a flagpole for a few hours. It's not in the curriculum, but they say it's required.

Hyde: Fez, Jackie's show is about to start. Aren't you supposed to be helping her?
Fez: Oh, she asked me to make a giant sign with her name on it. So I said, "You got it, baby." So then, I went to get some ice cream, and then I went to play some Space Invaders, and then I came here to watch the show.

Hyde: So, Fez, you've been hanging out a lot lately with Jackie. Any idea what she wanted to talk to me about at the record store the other day?
Fez: Um, I don't know. I was there. I mean, I wasn't there. I, uh... I was, uh... I was away. On business.
Hyde: Well, if she wanted to get back together, that's something I wouldn't mind knowing. So why don't you just go ahead and spill the beans?
Fez: Beans? What beans? The only beans are in your head, you, uh, little bean-head.

Kelso: Angie, you're cute as a button, but you burn like a botard.
Eric: Look, if you wanna burn someone, you gotta embarrass them to make other people laugh. You want to combine the elements of humiliation and surprise.
[Kelso cuts a lock of Eric's hair off]
Eric: Dude, what the hell?
Kelso: Burn!

Jackie: What are you doing?
Eric: I'm throwing out all my comic books. I saw my future today, and, well, it's living with its mother.
Jackie: Yeah, well, I saw my future and it sweats.
Eric: Okay. Hold on. You sweat? Uh, would you happen to have a picture, some tape of this that I could laugh at?
Jackie: Eric, I tried to have my own TV show, and I failed. My life is over. I'm not good enough to be on TV.
Eric: No, Jackie. Okay, come on. You're good-looking, you're incredibly superficial and you lie constantly. I think you're perfect for TV.
Jackie: Do you really think so?
Eric: Yeah. I mean, jeez, look, at least you're doing something with your life. I have wasted an entire year.
Jackie: Eric, let me stop you right there. Okay? Since you were kind enough to cheer me up when my spirits were low, I'm gonna go. Thanks.

Hyde: Hey, Forman, let me ask you a question. What do you think about me and Jackie?
Eric: Well, man, you know what I think. I think that Jackie is evil incarnate. I think that if you were to cut off one of her hands, it would probably grow back into another Jackie. Look, before Jackie, you were just some pissed-off guy in my basement. But with her... I mean, you seemed happy, man.
Hyde: Hey, I was never happy. I was just less pissed off.

Angie: Shouldn't Jackie be here by now?
Donna: Yeah. She's supposed to go on in, like, a minute. I don't think she's gonna show up.
Kelso: What? No, but we were gonna do this whole segment on sluts. And I was gonna be the slut expert. That's the only kind of expert I'm ever gonna be.

Kelso: [on TV] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the full half-hour of Slut or Not. I've got a phone book here and a wealth of experience with fooling around, so let's get started. "Beverly Addison." I don't know her personally, but I've heard she has a tattoo. So congratulations, Beverly Addison. You are a slut.
Red: What the hell happened to this country?
Kitty: I know Beverly Addison, and I'm glad somebody finally said it.