Donna: Kelso, she's so adorable. Why is she making that weird face?
All: It's poo!
[Kelso runs into Hyde's room carrying the baby]
Kelso: It smells in there, too. It's everywhere.

Red: All right, salesmen, pucker up. Red Forman's ass is in the building.
Kitty: Okay, well, mine's gone. I give yours about 30 seconds.
Hyde: All right, Jackie, so let's start off looking at new tires. Then after lunch, you can help me pick out an obnoxiously loud car stereo.
Kitty: Wait, you're gonna spend the day with Jackie?
Hyde: Yeah, man. She's my chick. All right, I'm gonna go get us a funnel cake. But listen, this is a rough crowd, all right? So if any guys come up to you and offer to teach you how to drive a stick, just say no and pull the fire alarm.
Jackie: Told you he wouldn't ditch me. [giggles] I'm his chick.
Kitty: Jackie, he's a man. Accept the fact that he is not coming back. When I was in labor, Red went to get me ice chips. I didn't see him for an hour-and-a-half because he found a pinball machine.
Jackie: No way.
Kitty: But it's fine. Ha. I laugh about it now. [laughs] I do. Ha. I will. It's just not that funny.

Donna: I think she's out.
Eric: Well, in that case...
Donna: Eric, we can't do that with her in here.
Eric: What? Come on. She's fast asleep. And it's been over a week for us. Donna, you can only keep the tiger in its cage for so long. Yeah, that's right. I'm calling it a tiger now.
[later:]
Donna: Crap, the baby's awake.
Eric: No, no, no, no, no. Hey, Betsy, close your eyes because Aunt Donna and Uncle Eric are gonna do it.
Donna: Eric, you are seriously disturbed. We have to take care of her.
Eric: No, no, come on. She's fine. You can't put the tiger back in his cage now, Donna. He's all agitated.
Donna: How can a crying baby not turn you off?
Eric: Two words, Donna, eight teen. Nothing turns me off.

Donna: Okay, you're clearly a demented pervert so let me ask you something. Would you be able to have sex with a baby in the room?
Fez: No way. I can barely do it with a woman in the room. [Eric enters]
Donna: Congratulations, Eric. You're more despicable sexually than Fez.
Eric: Okay, Donna, here's the thing. I'm a man, so my on-off switch is always on. Now you can either deal with that, or you can switch to girls.

Bob: Donna, if that's your baby, I'm gonna snap Eric in half.
Donna: Dad, don't you think you would have noticed if I was pregnant?
Bob: Not really. I'm not that hands-on of a dad. Anyhoo, I bought a hammock and put it up in the den 'cause it's too cold outside. Now I need someone to push me.
Fez: Sure, I'll push you in the hammock, Bob. Then I'll climb up a tree and pluck you a fresh coconut. I don't think so, Bob.
Bob: Okay, it's your loss, but I'm a big tipper.

Kelso: I can't believe that looking in this mirror isn't putting her in a great mood. It always works for me. [looks in mirror and smiles]

Leo: Hey, what's with the baby, man?
Kelso: I don't know. I can't get her to quit crying.
Leo: Here, let me try. Yeah. [crying stops] There.
Kelso: How did you do that?
Leo: Babies love me, man, 'cause I'm fuzzy. I'll go give her a bottle.

Donna: Leo?
Eric: Oh, my God. They're gone.
Fez: Everybody. Everybody, just stay calm. The breast milk is safe.

Kelso: Are they outside?
Fez: Not in the driveway, but Eric went to check the park.
Donna: And they're not upstairs. Although I did find Kitty's special occasion panties hanging on the towel bar. There's a lot more going on up there than we think.

Kelso: How could I let this happen? I am the worst father ever. [phone rings] [answers phone] Betsy?
Brooke: No, Michael, it's me. I'm calling to check in. How's she doing?
Kelso: How's she doing? Fine. God, quit smothering her.
Brooke: Hey, put the phone to her ear, let me say hi.
Kelso: [covers phone] It's Brooke. She wants to talk to the baby.
Fez: Give me. [takes phone] [high-pitched] Hey, Mama, send more milk.