Donna: Well, that makes sense. I mean, all a woman really wants is a man who listens.
Eric: I listen.
Donna: And doesn't pat himself on the back.
Eric: I never pat myself on the back. So, yeah, I got that going for me.

Jackie: Don't bump me.
Donna: Don't get in my way.
Jackie: Well, maybe I wouldn't be in your way if you could sit still like a normal person instead of a vibrating spazoid.
Donna: Really. Well, guess what? You fight like a poor girl. [they fight] Get off of me!
Jackie: Let go of my hair or I'll pound you.
Donna: This ain't over, squatty! Get off. I'm going.
Fez: Hey, if they're going to keep this up, we should invest in a video camera.

Fez: So, Danielle, tell me again how much more you like me than Kelso.
Danielle: Well, you're sensitive and thoughtful and understanding and very, very sexy.
Fez: Lady, don't ever stop talking.
Danielle: And you're funny and sweet. And did I mention? Very, very sexy.
Fez: Lady, you gotta shut up. [kisses Danielle]

Fez: Kelso, when a woman talks, you have to look her in the eyes and pretend her words are like oxygen and without them, you can't breathe.
Kelso: But I don't care what she says.
Donna: How the heck did you ever get a girl?
Kelso: I don't know. I just stare at her until she stops talking and then I kiss her.
Donna: Unbelievable.
[Donna slaps Kelso as he tries to kiss her]

Danielle: And I didn't know what to do because I had just polished my nails and I didn't want to mess up my manicure. You're such a good listener. I can't take it anymore. [kisses Kelso]
Fez: [enters] What are you doing? Get off my lady!
Danielle: Fez!
Fez: You shut your hot little mouth. You promised you wouldn't use anything I taught you on Danielle.
Kelso: Come on, you can't give me a gun and expect me not to shoot people with it.
Fez: Danielle, you have to choose. Him or me?
Danielle: But I...
Fez: I said choose, woman.
Danielle: Well, Fez, if I have to choose between the two of you, I mean, the choice is obvious. I choose you, Fez.
Fez: What, are you stupid? I mean, of course, yes, good choice, yeah.
Kelso: What, him? How can you choose him?
Danielle: I don't know. I guess I have this thing for guys who boss me around. I'll meet you in the car, or wherever you tell me to meet you.
Fez: Oh, you'll meet me in the car, and you'll like it.
Danielle: I will.

Kelso: Okay, here's the thing, Fez. She's clearly a lunatic. Which means that she's going to be super hot in bed, so congratulations on that one. But you did snake her from me, so I get a free punch. [punches Fez's arm]
Fez: But you did snake her back, so... [punches Kelso's arms]
[Kelso and Fez's play fight turns into a hug as Donna and Jackie walk into The Hub]
Donna: How do guys play fight without getting into a real fight?
Jackie: Well, maybe 'cause when they fight, Michael doesn't elbow everything like a blonde tard-o.
Donna: See, now that is gonna get your ass kicked.
Jackie: Oh, I'm gonna punch you in your fat melon head.
Donna: Good luck reaching it, tiny loser.

[Eric whistles as he slides down the stairs, opens the front door and picks up the newspaper]
Eric: Thanks, Tommy! [closes door] Is that bacon I smell? Oh, what a perfect morning. [opens kitchen door]
Kitty: [o.s.] Marco!
Red: [o.s.] Polo!
Eric: Oh, my God! [runs away]