Kelso: All right, Fez. Stand up so I can kick your ass. How dare you steal a girl out from under me?
Fez: First of all, I can do whatever I want. Second of all, when I saw her, she was not under you. She was under moi.

Hyde: Kelso. Maybe you shouldn't be asking what he did, you should be asking what you did to let it happen.
Jackie: Or what you didn't do. You know, maybe you just lost your mojo.
Kelso: Look, a guy can't just lose his mojo, okay? Can he?
Hyde: Well, when was the last time you made out with two girls at once?
Kelso: Well, that was... Oh, no. I can't remember.
Eric: Kissed four different girls in the same day?
Kelso: I don't know! You guys, I might have lost my mojo.
Fez: And I got it. I got your mojo. Which reminds me, I also have your yo-yo, so...
Kelso: You know what? I want them both back. Now, how can I lose a girl to you? You don't even speak English.
Fez: Well, Kelso, look at the bright side. Danielle is a wonderful girl who likes me better than you.
Kelso: Why is that the bright side?
Fez: Because... [operatic singing] Burn!

Bob: Hey, Red. Eric told me you and Kitty are having a little trouble in the old hee-hoo department.
Red: You told Bob? Are you out of your puny mind?
Eric: Look, you have to work this stuff out with Mom. She hasn't fed us in three days. Dad, I can't afford not to eat. Yesterday, I ate a raisin off the floor. I'm not even sure if it was really a raisin.

Bob: I'm telling you, this problem is not just about sex.
Red: It isn't? Well, maybe she's just unhappy emotionally. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
Bob: No, Red. It means you have a problem, and you have to deal with it.
Red: Yeah, okay. Yeah, I guess it's important that Kitty get listened to. Eric, go listen to your mother.
Eric: Why me?
Red: Because without food, you'll die first.

Kelso: All right. So I spent the whole day thinking about what happened with Danielle. And I realized that I shouldn't be mad at you. I should be asking you for help.
Hyde: Holy crap, man. Now you're asking Fez for girl advice? Next thing you know, Donna's gonna be asking Forman how to throw a ball.
Kelso: Look, he's the one with the girl. All right, Fez. So where did I go wrong?
Fez: Well, Danielle said you were a bad listener and I'm a good listener. I heard her.
Kelso: But so what? I hurt girls all the time.
Fez: No, not "hurt." "Heard." I heard.
Kelso: You heard what?
Fez: Danielle! I heard Danielle!
Kelso: Well, why'd she choose you over me? Jeez, it's like talking to a two-year-old, here.

Kelso: All right, Fez. Come on, I need your help.
Fez: Why should I help you?
Kelso: Because you owe me. Think about all the times that I set you up with my dates' less-pretty friends.
Fez: That's true. You have thrown me some uggos.
Kelso: All right, so show a little appreciation.

Fez: Okay, Donna. I need your help. Now sit here and pretend to be a girl. Now tell a girly story. Kelso, you listen and repeat back whatever she says.
Donna: Okay, ready?
Kelso: Yeah.
Donna: [sighs] Kelso, I had the worst day. I didn't know what shoes to wear. With a heel, without a heel...
Kelso: [inner monologue] I'm running out of firecrackers. I bet I could have been best friends with Spider-Man. Is that a new muscle? Well, hello, new muscle. Welcome to Kelso-town.
Donna: Kelso. Kelso!
Kelso: [out loud] What?
Donna: You weren't even listening.
Kelso: How do you know?
Hyde: 'Cause you were staring at the ceiling with your tongue hanging out.

Red: All right, Kitty. I want you to be happy. I really do. And to make that beautiful, elusive dream come true, I'm willing to try page 46.
Kitty: Really? Oh, Red, thank you. [opens book] Oh. Page 46. That is so fancy. [chuckles]
Red: What? Oh, dear God, no. Not... Not page 46. I meant page 47. Page 47. And no funny stuff after I fall asleep.

Jackie: Steven. Steven, would you please stop doing that? You're gonna get all Eric-y.
Eric: Give.
Donna: Jackie, boys have to play fight because they secretly wanna touch each other.
Eric: Yeah, you guys wish you could play fight. But girls can't, 'cause it always turns into a real fight.
Donna: Are you seriously telling me that if Jackie and I wanted to play fight, we couldn't?
Eric: Um, let me listen for the echo of what I just said. "Girls can't play fight..." Yep, that's what I think.
Hyde: I agree. Girls are bitches.

Donna: Come on, Jackie, put your dukes up.
Jackie: Okay. Watch and learn, boys. [they playfight]
Donna: See? It's all fun and games. Ow, you scratched me!
Jackie: Aah! Get off of me, Bigfoot!
Donna: Let go of my hair or I'll pound your tiny ass! [Hyde splits them up]
Eric: Spoilsport.
Hyde: Hey, yours was gonna kill mine.
Eric: Ladies, that was pathetic.
Donna: What? That wasn't even real. We're fine.
Jackie: Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. I had fun. [Donna shoves Jackie] Oh, you're so immature! [Jackie runs away]