[flashback:]
Kelso: Uh, yeah, well, I got... I got kicked off the force. Then I was gonna make the move here to be closer to my daughter.
Vic: What, you're married? Obviously you're not wearing a ring. [chuckles] Great minds think alike!
Kelso: Actually, uh, I just got a girl pregnant.
Vic: You got a girl pregnant? I got a girl pregnant! Give Vic a high five!
Kelso: You Vic or the other Vic?
Vic: The other Vic? What is that some kind of a joke? The other Vic got both his hands blown off in Nam. [laughs] I'm just kidding! I like your sense of humor, kid.

[flashback:]
Vic: Now, come here, all kidding aside, I want to ask you something seriously. Do you like spicy food?
Kelso: Sure, I'll eat anything. Actually, I put that on the resume.
Vic: Try this salsa. Go on, makes you feel like you got shot in the tongue.
Kelso: How can I say no to that? [groans]
Vic: Yeah, that hot, that's hot, right? You know it's hot when you get all moist and sweaty up under here, eh? [lifts wig] Come on, feel it!
Kelso: Ah, I don't think I wanna touch Vic's head.
Vic: No, go ahead, feel it.
Kelso: No, I really don't.
Vic: Feel it!
Kelso: Okay. [Vic clamps down his wig on Kelso's hand] Ahh!
Vic: Got you. [both laugh]
[present:]
Kelso: And he just called and offered me the job.

Kelso: It's like I love Jackie, okay, and I know that some day we're gonna be together, but just not yet.
Fez: You fool, don't you understand? Hyde really screwed Jackie up, and she's only going to be like this for a little while longer. You gotta strike when the broad is still a mess, man!
Hyde: Look, Kelso, I'm completely against this unholy union. But if you really want to be with Jackie, you cannot run away now. She'll be so pissed she'll never talk to you again.
Kelso: Okay, so, you're saying if I don't go through with this now, I'm gonna blow my chance with Jackie forever?
Hyde: Yes. You have successfully repeated what I just said.
Kelso: All right. That's it. I wanna ask Jackie to marry me.
Fez: Great. Let's go buy a ring.
Kelso: No, Jackie once said that she'd rather have a balloon tied around her finger, than a diamond under two carats. So let's go buy a balloon!

Red: Kitty? What is all this?
Kitty: Surprise! [chuckles] We're having an anniversary party.
Red: But I don't want a party. I was gonna take you to the boat show.
Kitty: I'm not going to a boat show.
Red: Fine. It's a vodka show, just get in the car.
Kitty: Red, we have people coming over.
Red: But I had... Okay, I was thinking, about what we did at the Starlight Motel for the first time between our wedding and reception. And, uh, I thought we could go there again, exactly 25 years later. So I got us the same room.
Kitty: To celebrate our silver anniversary, you wanna take me for an afternoon tryst to a cheap motel? That is so romantic.

Kelso: Okay, my turn. Mr. and Mrs. Forman, your long and happy marriage got me thinking about my future. And when I think about my future there is always someone special in it. I mean, besides me. So, in front of all the people that I love, Jacqueline Burkhart, will you marry me?
Jackie: Oh, Michael! No.
Fez: Congratu... What the hell?
Kelso: No?
Jackie: No.
Kelso: Jackie... you have just made me the happiest man in the world! [hugs Jackie]
Jackie: Really?
Kelso: Yeah! Oh, man! I mean, I love you and all, but, it's like this is, like, the worst idea I've ever had! And I have had some bad ideas! I mean, a fire-cracker suit? Like, what the hell was that?
Hyde: The best 4th of June ever, that's what.

Jackie: Michael, if you and I got married it would be a disaster. I mean I love you, but you have so much growing up to do. Oh, and I do not want a box of puppies running around.
Kelso: You see and I do!
Jackie: I know!
Kelso: Oh, man. This is, like, my life is finally taking off. I'm moving to Chicago.
Jackie: Donna, I hope I did the right thing.
Kelso: You know. I'm so happy, I'm gonna jump off the roof!
Donna: You did the right thing.

Kelso: Okay, my turn. Mr. and Mrs. Forman, your long and happy marriage got me thinking about my future. And when I think about my future there is always someone special in it. I mean, besides me. So, in front of all the people that I love, Jacqueline Burkhart, will you marry me?

Hyde: Sam, what did I tell you about parading around half-naked in front of my friends? If you're gonna do it, you gotta charge 'em.

Fez: I know a huge secret. But don't bother to ask me, because there is no way in hell I'm going to tell you. Kelso is gonna ask Jackie to marry him.
Jackie: Wait, what?
Donna: Oh, my God!
Fez: I can't believe you conniving whores got it out of me!

Donna: That is the dumbest thing Kelso's said since his previous gem. "I can eat an entire shirt."
Jackie: This is so Michael. Although it is kinda sweet. And I don't really have anything going for me in my life. No job, no boyfriend. I don't have anything!
Donna: Okay, Jackie, I know you're lonely, but you and Kelso getting married, that's insane.
Jackie: Well, I actually think it makes total sense.
Donna: No, it doesn't. It makes no sense! "Fliebedieflabediefloobedie" makes more sense than that!