Red: Well, Kitty, cardiologist says I don't have to take my heart pills anymore.
Kitty: Well, that is wonderful news. [chuckles] Oh, and you know what this means? We can bring back fried-cheese Fridays!
Red: It's not good news, Kitty. I just bought a four-month supply of heart pills I don't need now. That's 200 bucks down the crapper.
Hyde: Why don't you just sell them? You know, there's a seedy subculture that buys drugs for recreation. I saw one time on an after-school special.
Kitty: Well, you can't sell drugs. It's illegal, and it should be. Because people shouldn't have easy access to addictive substances that dull their senses. [grabs wine bottle and glass] I will be in the bath.

Kitty: So, Fez, I hear you've been with a different woman every night. I just hope you're doing the gentlemanly thing. Thank-you cards never go out of style.
Fez: Actually, Miss Kitty, I'm hanging up my leather pants. Yes. I'm ready to be with the one woman I should've been with all along.
Kitty: Fez, I've told you a thousand times, Mr. Forman and I are very happy together. [laughs] I'm just kidding. So, is this woman someone I know?
Fez: Yes. [drinks] And I know for a fact that she likes me.
Kitty: Oh. Oh! Fez, I am so happy for you. New love is exciting. I remember the first time I tried Peppermint Schnapps.

Kitty: Steven, how could you?
Hyde: Just a product of my environment. Wait, what are you talking about?
Kitty: We know you've been selling drugs out of the house. This is the worst thing you have ever done. You have turned my living room into East St. Louis.
Red: So, please, just admit what you're doing. It'll be better for everybody.
Hyde: I'm not admitting to anything. Although if I were selling drugs, it's probably 'cause I don't have a new 19-inch TV to keep me off the streets.
Kitty: What? Steven, we do not reward this kind of behavior. Right, Red?
Red: Right. A 13-inch TV should do the trick.
Kitty: Why are you even discussing this? If ever there were a time for your foot to be ankle-deep in someone's bottom, it's now!

Kitty: Red?
Red: Look, I know what I did was wrong. But don't you even want to know what I was going to do with the money?
Kitty: I don't care.
Red: I was going to take you on a vacation to the Wisconsin Dells.
Kitty: Oh, my God, I feel like a Kennedy! Oh, and the Dells are three counties away. We're going to have to take the Interstate. [goes upstairs]
Hyde: Well, that worked out pretty good. You're going to the Dells, I'm getting a new TV.
Red: Yeah. And you're going to love watching that new show called Blow It Out Your Ass.

Bob: Well, look who it is. Come over to insult me again? I don't know, maybe take another cheap shot at my outfit?
Kitty: Okay. There is nothing wrong with your outfits. Red thinks they're tacky but I've explained to him that you're just Italian.

Hyde: Wow. Wine at 11:30, huh? Did you run out of bourbon?
Kitty: Well, I am just a complete wreck. I've decided I don't wanna leave Wisconsin.
Hyde: Did you tell Red?
Kitty: Well, I've been trying to but he's just, he's so excited about Florida. Oh, but I've been dropping hints. I told him that sunshine makes people whistle because I know how much he wants to punch those people in the face.

Kitty: How could you think it would be okay to miss Thanksgiving? You might as well just rip my heart out and drown it in my delicious giblet gravy.
Red: It's not just Thanksgiving. You used to have goals and ambition. But now, one week you're chasing butterflies, the next week you're skating around the neighborhood dressed like Liberace.
Eric: Did it ever occur to you guys that I don't know what I'm doing? Okay? I'm scared.
Kitty: Of what, honey? We got rid of the spooky lamp in your room.

Kelso: You know, when was the last time that Red took you out for a night on the town?
Kitty: Well, a couple of weeks ago he took me to the movies and then when it was over he came back and he picked me up.

Eric: Yeah, Christmas used to be so cool. Now it's just another day.
Kitty: Okay. Okay. It sounds like somebody needs a little holiday cheer. I know! [laughing] You could direct the Christmas pageant at the church.
Eric: Hey, yeah, that's the worst idea I've ever heard!
Kitty: Eric, you used to love that pageant when you were a little boy. And you need some Christmas spirit. And I already signed you up.
Eric: Well, it was fun when we were kids. Then again, so was eating crayons. Yeah, okay. I'll do it.
Kitty: Good. Okay, now, Steven-
Hyde: No! No!
Kitty: Oh. So you won't be in a show about how there was no room at the inn even though this innkeeper gave you a room?
Hyde: Your guilt has no power over me! I'll do it.
Eric: Fa la la la la La la la- boned [chuckles]

Donna: Mrs. Forman, what a great idea, making a tape to send to Eric in Africa.
Kitty: Oh, please, I am full of great ideas. [chuckles] When he went to camp, I sent him a huge card with my face on it that says, "Mommy loves you." [laughs] Well, it made him miss me so much he begged to come home the very next day.
Donna: Ah, yes, the summer of 1,000 wedgies.